I Don't Know Much
by kt2785
Summary: Kate and James have a sordid past. When she comes home after being away for 15 years, what will she find when she gets there? Please R & R!
1. Chapter 1

She saw the sign. She was home. She pulled off the exit ramp and drove into the hotel parking lot. She was home, but it wasn't really her home anymore. She was just back visiting. It was late. She walked up the steps to her mom's house. She found the key in a small figurine. She went into the house carefully and slowly so she didn't wake her mother. She tripped over the coffee table, which was moved since the last time she had been in her house…15 years ago. On the coffee table was the newspaper. Even though she didn't know anything of what had happened in her town, she picked it up. She was still wide awake and wanted to read something before she went to bed.

She went to her bedroom, which her mom had left almost exactly the same. She sat down on the bed and started flipping through the newspaper. She came to the obituaries and something caught her eye.

"Juliet Ford," she read aloud. "Survived by her husband James, and her 3 children. Jimmy."

_Flashback _

When she was a child her best friend in the whole world, lived just miles from her. James Ford. Only then, his name was Jimmy. But he always picked on her. He picked on her because she was younger than him, by almost 4 years. He picked on her because of her freckles. She always told him not to, but he continued to pick.

"Mommy?" she asked. "Why does Jimmy chase me and pick on me so much? He's my friend."

"Aww, Katie, that's because he likes you," her mom said gently.

"Yuck!" Kate exclaimed. "Boys are gross."

She was only 5 when it happened, but she understood. She was sitting next to him, holding his hand. It was the one time that he let her. She looked at him and sighed.

"I'm sorry Jimmy," she frowned. He leaned against her shoulder, even though he was much bigger than her. He cried a little, but then stopped when he thought she saw.

_Flashback over_

Kate read further and found out that the woman, Juliet, had died in a car crash 3 days ago. The funeral was going to be the next day. It had been forever since she had seen Jimmy Ford. He had 3 kids. She didn't even know if he would want to see her. She sighed and put the paper down. She turned off the light and got under the covers.

The next morning she went down the stairs. She could smell breakfast cooking. When she got down the stairs, her mom was cooking. She looked up.

"Katherine?" her mom asked.

"Mom," Kate said with a smile. She wrapped her arms around her mom. She was dressed all in black. Kate guessed before she even said anything that her mom would be attending the funeral.

"Hey," she whispered. "Great welcome huh? Honey, I have to get going to the church. Jimmy…James Ford…his wife died last week."

"I read," Kate nodded.

"Katherine," her mom began. "How was your drive in?"

"Good," she answered. "I almost didn't remember how to get here. It's really weird coming back home. I mean-"

"Ok," Diane interrupted. "Hon, I really want to talk to you all about it, but can we do it when I get home? I gotta get going."

"Mom," Kate began. "Do you think it would be ok-I want to go."

"To the funeral?" her mom asked. "Kate, I don't-"

"I know," she sighed. "It's dumb, but I feel really bad, I just want to-pay my respects."

"I know," she nodded. "You two were really close. But have you even spoken to him since you just up and left."

"I sent him a letter when I got there," she began. "But I think he was too mad at me to ever respond."

"He was devastated when you left Katherine," Diane said. "Honey, I think he was really really in love with you."

"It doesn't matter now," she shrugged.

"Kate, did you love him?" she asked.

"What do you want?" she shook her head. "I don't know."

"Yes you do," her mom answered. "You know."

"Yeah," she nodded. "I was in love with him, but that was 15 years ago mom! He's married, he's got kids. This isn't about me coming back into his life, I just want to pay my respects. Tell him how sorry I am."

"Just be prepared of how he might act," Diane replied. "He might not be very happy to see you."

_Flashback_

"Jimmy!" Kate exclaimed. "Stop grabbing my ass."

"Aww, come on Freckles," he chuckled. "You're just so sexy. How can I not?"

"Jimmy," Kate whispered. "I-I know we've only been…but we've known each other forever. I-I want you to be my-my first."

"Hmm," he said. "Well alright then, let's get started."

"James!" she chuckled and shoved him away as he tried to kiss her. "No…not right now. In-at prom."

"On the dance floor?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Why not? Those stupid dances are always incredibly lame anyway. It might bring some excitement to it. Let's-let's skip the prom."

"I already bought the damn tickets," he replied. "And let me tell you, they weren't exactly cheap."

"Ok," she chuckled. "We'll go. Seems like you're more excited about it than me."

"I just want a chance to show you off," he responded. He leaned forward and kissed her. She smiled and kissed him back.

_Flashback Over_

Kate had never been a very spiritual person. It was a little strange for her to walk up to the church. Seeing the crosses and the stained glass window. She looked over and saw Jimmy. He was standing with his hands folded in front of him. His children were standing next to him. A little girl with two braided pigtails. She looked like she was around 7 or 8. She was looking up at her father, who was almost looking as if he would refuse to look down at the motherless children. There was a woman standing near him, which Kate recognized as a much older version of his aunt who had taken him in after his parents died. She was holding a baby, who looked like she was no older than 2. Then there was a young boy who looked eerily similar to how James looked the day his parents died. He looked around the age of 5. People were walking up to them solemnly. They were kissing the children and grabbing at James's hands. Kate swallowed hard. She almost ran away, but instead she followed her mom.

"Jimmy," Diane shook her head. She didn't say anything else. Instead she just hugged James and looked at the kids. She walked into the church. Kate stepped in front of him.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. She took his hand and looked at him. He furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't recognize her. She wasn't even sure he had recognized her mom. She nodded and then walked into the church after her mom.

_Flashback_

The dance was more fun than Kate or James would ever admit. Charlie and Claire were crowned king and queen. Kate was slightly jealous. She thought it should have been her and James. But she was sure it was because James didn't go to their school anymore. He had graduated 3 years earlier. Everyone was shocked that Kate had such a mature, older boyfriend. Kate knew that her parents would never approve of her dating a 21 year old, but because it was Jimmy Ford, they did.

The limo dropped Jimmy and Katie off at a hotel. She was shocked. It was a complete surprise.

"Jimmy," she gasped.

"Well Katie," he began. "I didn't really want to have some romantic night in my aunt's house. And you probably feel the same way about your parents. With your mom and Wayne just next door? Horrible."

She couldn't help but chuckle softly. They went into the hotel room. Kate was half expecting there to be flower petals and candles all over the place, but instead it was just a typical hotel room. She looked at James and wrapped her arms around him.

"I have a confession," she whispered.

"Hmm, what's that?" he asked.

"I'm a little nervous," she said.

"You don't have to be nervous Freckles," he stated, running his hand down her cheek. "I won't hurt you baby."

"Everyone says it hurts," she replied. "But I'm more afraid of what might happen after."

"Hmm, I got plenty of protection," he told her.

"No," she shook her head. "I mean, after…like what's going to happen to us?"

"Nothing," he replied. "We'll just be having sex. And if you want me to stop, just let me know. I won't hurt you honey."

"I know," she nodded. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. She deepened the kiss and he stepped forward toward the bed. She sat down on the bed and then laid down. She pulled him down on top of her. He looked sharp in his tuxedo. She smiled at him. He continued to kiss her and ran his hand up the skirt of her dress. She shifted slightly.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Fine," she answered. "Just still nervous."

He didn't push her further. He only stayed on top of her and kissed her. He ran his hand across her chest. She let out a soft moan and he chuckled.

"I've barely touched you," he whispered and chuckled again. She kissed him and moved out of her underwear. "What are you doin'?"

"Touch me James," she told him softly. He reached down and touched her gently. She arched her back and took a deep breath. She knew that he was more experienced than her. Somehow it turned her on even more. She grabbed his neck. She was glad that he new exactly how and where to touch her. He whispered into her ear. Whispering 'sweet nothings' as they called it. Calling her cute nicknames. She moaned softly and then came.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," he said and kissed her lips. He hovered over her. "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head. He lowered down slowly. She moaned loudly. He put his face against her neck and breathed deeply.

"I love you Katie," he said softly. She wrapped her arms around him tightly.

_Flashback over_

Kate watched James. She tried to listen to what the minister was saying, but instead she just found herself watching Jimmy and his kids. Now he was holding the youngest on his lap. She didn't seem to know what was going on. The older girl was trying hard not to cry. Kate could see her taking sharp breaths. James was resting his hand on her shoulder, which didn't seem to be calming her at all. Kate found herself starting to cry. She had never even met this woman, but watching the children crying, watching how badly it had affected her Jimmy…not her Jimmy anymore. Tears fell down her cheeks.

After the funeral Kate and her mom left and went back home. Kate didn't want to go to the wake. James didn't even remember her, so instead she just went home with her mom. But it didn't last long, she decided she would go out. She didn't care what she was wearing, she just needed a drink.

"Katherine, I don't think-" her mom began, as Kate was leaving the house.

"Mom, you can't tell me what to do anymore, I'm all grown up," Kate interrupted.

"Then act like a grown up," Diane scoffed. "I don't think you should be drinking and driving. Do you want to end up like your father?"

Wayne died when Kate was 14 from driving drunk. He was her birth father, but the father she grew up with was still alive. She was planning on going to visit him the next day. Her mom had told her after Wayne died that he was actually her father.

"He's not my father," Kate scoffed. "And he was stupid."

Kate grabbed her keys and left the house. She was right, her mom couldn't stop her. She drove to the local bar. A bar that she never could legally drink at when she lived there before. She pulled up in the driveway. Goldstein's was the place.

_Flashback_

Kate was sitting in the front seat of James's truck. They were waiting outside of the bar.

"I need a drink," James said softly. "Are you sure Katie?"

"Well, not completely," she shrugged. "But I thought I should tell you before I took the test."

"Why?" he asked. "Don't most girls take the test first before freaking out their boyfriends?"

"I'm not most girls," she answered.

"Course," he smirked. "Everything will be ok."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Now they were sitting in her house. Waiting for the results. She didn't want him to watch her pee on a stick, so he was waiting outside in the hall. When she was done peeing, she opened the door and he stepped in. She sat on the bathroom floor. He took her hand. She closed her eyes.

"What are we going to do?" she asked.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "What do you want to do hon?"

"I want to keep it," she answered. "If I'm pregnant, I want to keep this baby."

"Well, then I guess it's time to look for apartments because I ain't staying here with your mom," he told her. She smiled widely and leaned forward to kiss him. Then she looked down at the test. She looked back up at him and shook her head.

"It's negative," she told him. She saw him take a deep breath of relief. She was relieved too, part of her was anyway. She was going to be graduating high school in 2 weeks. She was going to school in the fall. The last thing they needed was a baby. But something about moving in with James and starting a family, didn't seem so terrible.

_Flashback Over_

Kate sat down at the bar. There was no one in the place, except for a female bartender and one guy sitting at the far end of the bar. She sat down on the other end.

"Can I get a shot of tequila?" she asked.

"Hmm, what's troubling you tonight, sweetheart," the bartender asked.

"Nothing," she answered.

"Girl doesn't order a shot of tequila for nothing, honey," she replied. "But here you go."

She handed Kate the shot. Kate took it, without anything to chase it down with. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"First night back," Kate answered. "I've been away for quite a while."

"15 years," the man at the end of the bar said. Kate looked down the bar and realized that it was Jimmy. She took a soft breath.

"Jimmy," she whispered. He stood up and came to her end of the bar.

"In the flesh," he answered. "Only now it's James. No one has called me Jimmy in 15 years."

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. "Jimmy, I'm so so sorry."

"For what?" he asked. "For leaving me? Breaking up with me? Or-"

"Your wife," she replied. "I'm sorry about your wife."

"Yeah, well you win some, you-"

She reached over and touched his arm. He flinched and looked at her. He was shaking. She took a breath and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave, you don't-"

"I do need this Katie," he whispered. "Freckles, please don't…don't leave."

"Ok," she replied. She breathed in sharply. He hadn't been called Jimmy in 15 years, but she sure hadn't been called Freckles in 15 years either. It almost made her want to cry, but she held back the tears and looked at him. "So…you have kids."

"Yeaup," he answered, mixing yeah and yep together.

"What are their names?" she asked softly.

"Izzy," he said. "She's 8. She's my little firecracker. She doesn't take anyone's crap. She doesn't look a thing like her mother or me…we always tease her that she was switched at birth. She's got this dark hair and green eyes. In fact, she could probably pass for your daughter, but…she's mine. She's mine and Juliet's."

"Izzy?" she asked.

"Isabelle," he answered. "But…Izzy for short. Iz, for really short. Then there's Jason. Jase most of the time or Jay as Gracie would call him. He's 6. Gracie is almost 2."

"They're adorable," she answered.

"I didn't recognize you," he whispered. "And then about half way through the funeral it came to me. What are you doing back here?"

"I lost my job," she said. "My boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home. I'm going to be staying with my mom for a while. Just so I can get back on my feet. I know I shouldn't have come today but-"

"You left Katie," he scoffed. "You just left! You didn't even say goodbye! Do you know that I went to your house that day to ask your momma-never mind. I don't want to talk about it. Claud! Another shot."

"James," the bartender began. "I don't think it's a good-"

"I don't give a shit what you think," he said. "You're doin' a job, now do your job and shut up."

"Sorry," she murmured.

"No I am," he sighed. "Just please, give me another shot?"

"Sure," she nodded. "It's on the house."

"I love my kids Katie," he told her. "I love them so much."

"Then what are you doing here?" she asked softly. "Should you be-"

"Have you ever lost anyone close to you?" he asked. "Anyone you loved? I mean…I want to go home and tell them how much I love them. How much their mother loved them. But I can't. And I really can't go home now. I just-I don't know what to do. I can't go home. I can't go home Freckles."

"I'll bring you back to my place then," she told him.

"I can't-Katie-" he stuttered.

"Hey," she whispered. "Nothing personal. But you can't drive. You can sleep on the couch."

"I'm fine," he answered.

"But you just said you couldn't go home-" she stopped herself and shook her head. "God. I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous. I'm being really selfish. I guess I just-I wanted you to come over so we could talk and-never mind. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. I should go."

"Don't," he sighed. "Can you give me a ride?"

"Sure," she whispered. They walked out to her car. James was somehow drunker than before. He couldn't figure out how to open the door, so Kate helped him. He sat down in the car and then looked at her.

"Don't take me home," he said. "I can't go home. My kids will wake up."

"So are you taking me up on the couch?" she asked. He nodded. Kate started driving. It was mostly quiet. James leaned forward and turned on the radio. The channel he changed it to was irritating. It was hard rock, a song that Kate recognized, but that she didn't exactly like. She didn't change the station though. She unrolled both windows. James put his head against the side of the window. She didn't look at him. When they got back to her house.

Kate helped James into the house. She put him on the couch and he looked at her and shook his head. He laid down. Kate went to get him a blanket. When she got back to the couch, James was sitting up with his hands down in his head. She sat down next to him and put the blanket on the coffee table. He looked up at her.

"Sorry," he sniffled. "I'm not-I shouldn't-"

"Jimmy," she sighed.

"Tell me why you broke up with your boyfriend," he said.

"Why?" she asked.

"Just-I wanna know," he shrugged.

"I came home," she whispered. "From being fired from my job, and he was in bed with my roommate and my best friend."

"Both of them?" he asked.

"No," she half chuckled, the first time since it happened, hearing someone make a joke about it. "No...my roommate was my best friend. The two of them."

"What a jerk," he murmured. "Sorry Katie."

"You aren't ever going to call me Kate are you?" she asked.

"Well, are you gonna call me James?" he said.

"I dunno," she shook her head and cracked a small smile.

"We had the perfect life," he whispered. He turned his body toward her. She followed suit. Their knees were touching. "Me and Jules. I dunno. We had everything. She's a doctor. 3 kids. A cat and a dog. Izzy…I feel sorry for Izzy because she knows she will never see her mom again. And I feel bad for Jase because…he doesn't understand where she is. He thinks she just on vacation. And then Gracie…she will never know how much her mother loved her."

"Well, then you'll just have to tell her," Kate answered. She ran her hand down his arm. He sighed and closed his eyes and hand against his forehead.

"Do you want anything?" she asked. "Water?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "Sure. Thanks."

She got up and went into the kitchen. She tried to make as little noise as possible. It was really late. Her mom was sleeping the last thing she needed was for her mom to wake up and find Jimmy Ford drunk on the couch. Even though they weren't kids anymore she still sometimes felt like they were. She went back into the living room and sat down next to him again. She handed him the glass of water. He drank it slowly and put the glass down on the coffee table. Kate quickly put a coaster down. He smirked and shook his head. Then his smile faded quickly.

"Fuck," he whispered. "Fuck, this hurts so much."

"I'm so sorry Jimmy," she shook her head. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. She hugged him tightly and he hugged her back. She rubbed his back gently and he sobbed. He laid down, but pulled her with him. It wasn't about anything but comfort. She held him and rubbed his back and stroked his hair softly. He had stopped crying, but she was still holding him. She all the sudden started thinking about their final night together. She knew that it was the last thing he was thinking of, but holding him again, smelling his cologne. She couldn't help but think about the way they used to be with each other.

_Flashback _

She wouldn't tell Jimmy that she was leaving. She couldn't tell him. He was planning on proposing. She knew it, but she didn't want to break his heart so she kept him from asking. They were back at his apartment. She spent a lot of time there. They were cuddling together on the couch.

"Freckles," he whispered. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"I love you too," she said. "I love you so much Jimmy. We'll be Jimmy and Katie forever right?"

"Course," he chuckled. He leaned forward and almost kissed her, but she stopped him.

"Let's go into the bedroom," she said. She stood up and took his hands. She lead him back to his bedroom. When they got there, she turned toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He kissed her deeply. She pushed him toward the bed and pushed him down. He chuckled and looked up at her.

"Yes ma'am," he stated.

"I want to be with you so bad," she whispered.

"Hmm, that's funny, because I kinda got somethin' for you," he replied.

"Jimmy, don't-" she started.

"Come on. You've been interrupting me all night, it's like you don't-" he began. She leaned forward and kissed him frantically. It seemed to stop him from talking. She pulled her shirt up over her head. He looked down at her and smirked, but they started kissing again. She flipped over on top of him and kissed down his chest. He ran his hand down her back and shook his head. He kissed her neck and then sat up and pulled his own shirt off. She bit down on her bottom lip and flashed him a sexy smile. He unzipped her pants and she breathed out sharply. He pulled her pants and underwear down. She went to his belt and fumbled slightly with the buckle. She scratched him with her nails, without meaning to, but he didn't seem to notice, other than a sharp breath. He raised up and then lowered down into her. She moaned into his ear lowly. She bit down on his ear lobe. He sucked on her neck. She would have a hickey in the morning. She came and then he did. She laid on his chest. He ran his hand up and down her back.

"Goodnight Jimmy," she whispered.

"Goodnight?" he asked.

"I'm tired," she chuckled. "And I have to get up early."

"Alright," he sighed. "Goodnight Katie, but in the mornin' I'm gonna get to ask you what I've wanted to ask you all night."

"Ok," she whispered. She pretended to fall asleep quickly, so that he wouldn't have a chance to ask her.

In the morning she woke up early. She could feel his arms around her. She knew it would be hard for her to leave. Not only because she didn't want to leave him in the bed, but it would be hard to get out of his arms. Suddenly he grunted and moved. She hoped he would stay asleep. He rolled over and started snoring again. She sat up and looked down at him. She shook her head.

"I love you so much," she whispered. She risked it and leaned down to kiss his cheek. She got out of the bed and wrote him a short note.

_Dear Jimmy,_

_I know that I should have said goodbye, but neither of us are very good at that. I don't know how I could have said goodbye to you. I love you so much. I would have married you, but I have to leave. You have to understand that it has nothing to do with you. My life is somewhere else. And you…you life is here, your life is supposed to be here. _

_Love Katie_

She left the house and shut the door behind her. She ran to her car and left before it would all wake him up. She didn't even want to leave a trace of herself behind.

_Flashback Over_

"You knew I was going to propose didn't you?" he asked. "That's why you left."

"James, you're drunk," she shook her head.

"I don't think so," he said. "Not anymore. You left because you wanted to-"

"I left because I had to!" she exclaimed. "It didn't have anything to do with you."

"I could have gone with you," he answered.

"Well, I bet you're glad you didn't now," she replied. "Because if you had come with me, you never would have met Juliet and you never would have had 3 beautiful kids. So you need to stop thinking about it."

"I haven't thought about it in 13 years," he said.

"James, I've been gone for 15," she replied.

"You think I stopped thinking about you the day you left?" he asked. "It took me a while Freckles."

"Oh," she answered. "I think I should get to bed. It's been a long day."

"Yeah. It has. Thanks for the water," he sighed. "Goodnight."

"Night," she nodded. She got up and went to her own bedroom. She couldn't believe that Jimmy Ford was sleeping in her living room. But what was more unbelievable was the fact that he was a father. He had kids and he seemed to be a great dad. She thought about what life would have been if she had stayed. Things would have been completely different.

**A/N: So how was the first chapter? Let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Kate woke up. Her mom was already gone. She wasn't sure if she was off running errands or maybe she decided to leave because James was there. She walked past the couch. James was still sleeping. She went into the kitchen. And started making a pot of coffee. She was only in the kitchen for a few minutes before she heard heavy footsteps coming into the kitchen. She turned around and looked at James.

"Mornin'," she said. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure," he murmured. "Can-uh-can you take me home after the coffee?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Of course."

It was quiet. Kate didn't know what to say to him, and apparently he didn't know what to say to her either. She knew that things were going to be different when she came back home. She even expected things to be awkward, but part of her thought that he was going to wait for her to return to him. It stung that he had been married and completely happy. He had kids and a good job. She hadn't accomplished any of that. She didn't push anything. After they both finished their cups of coffee, Kate offered to take him home.

He directed her where to go. She found it easily enough. When she pulled into the driveway she saw several toys in the yard. There was a plastic slide tipped over. There was also a small pool. Kate saw toys floating in it. She put the car in park and looked at him.

"Ok," she said softly. "So…I guess. Maybe I'll see you later."

"See you later," he nodded. He started getting out of the car and then stopped. "Listen. Katie, I would totally invite you in…meet the kids…but I think it would be a little weird. Y'know, just considering the circumstances."

"Totally weird," she agreed. "Your kids are beautiful by the way Jimmy. They're so-cute."

"They're all her," he answered.

"I thought you said the little girl looked like me," she whispered.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Well, they're all her anyway. Jason he looks just like his momma, and-"

"No," Kate shook her head. "Little boy…Jason. He looks just like you."

"Gotta go," he replied, clearing his throat. "Thanks for the couch and the coffee."

"Bye," she whispered. He started getting out of the car again, and once again stopped.

"Freckles," he began.

"Yeah," she said softly.

"I missed you when you were gone," he whispered.

"I thought you said you haven't thought about it in 15 years," she responded.

"I missed you," he sighed. "I mean…not like I was thinking about you when I was with Juliet, but…y'know, I just missed you."

"I missed you too," she answered.

"Guess I'll see you later?" he asked.

"Sure," she nodded. "We should plan something. Here's my cell number."

She wrote her number down on an old receipt that was stuck between the seats. She handed it to him. He nodded and got out of the car. He shut the door. She could see him hesitating to come back to the car, but he continued on to the house.

James went up the steps to his house. He unlocked the door and went inside.

"Daddy!" Jason exclaimed running toward him. Sawyer bent down and picked him up. "Daddy, I was scared, you were gone too. You were gone like mommy."

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I'm so sorry buddy."

He held him close. His aunt Charlotte came into the room and glared at him. She was holding the baby.

"You gave us a real scare James," she told him. "Not coming home like that. No call. It wasn't funny. If you thought-"

"I didn't think Aunt Charlotte, that's the problem," he sighed. "I just-I had been drinking. And I didn't want to come home and wake the kids up. I didn't-"

He stepped toward her and took the baby from her arms. The baby smiled at him. Gracie knew no pain of losing her mother.

"Love you daddy," she said. He couldn't help but smile at her.

"I love you too," he answered. "You ok?"

She nodded.

"Daddy carry me!" Jason exclaimed. Sawyer chuckled softly, but set Gracie down and picked Jason up. Jason hugged him and looked at him. "Don't go away again daddy."

"I won't," he shook his head and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. Charlotte…is Izzy-"

"She's fine. She's up in her room," Charlotte answered. James kissed Jason on the forehead and put him down. He walked up the stairs and knocked on Izzy's door. There was no answer. He knocked again.

"Iz, it's me," Sawyer said. "Will you please open the door?"

Still no answer. Juliet didn't like going into Isabelle's room without permission, but Sawyer thought that she was too young to have that privilege of privacy. He opened the door and walked into the bedroom. Izzy wasn't there. James ran back down the stairs and looked at Charlotte.

"Nice babysitting job," he scoffed. "She's not in her room."

"She was," Charlotte answered. "I swear, right before you got home. We were in her bedroom when we saw you pull up in the driveway."

He closed his eyes and swallowed.

"Did you see who I was with?" he asked softly.

"She grew up Jimmy," Charlotte smiled weakly. "If it's possible she got even more gorgeous."

"Don't I know it," he mumbled. "Nothing happened Charl. I promise."

"You're all grown up James," she shook her head. "I can't say anything-"

"Nothing happened," he protested again. "I mean…I was a little. I went to Goldstein's last night. She was there…offered me a ride. I just didn't want to come home when I was-y'know. So I slept on her couch. But nothing happened."

"You don't have to explain," she answered again. "Hon…it's your life."

"You believe me don't you?" he asked.

"It doesn't really matter if I believe you or not James. Right now, I think you should probably find Izzy," she responded.

He knew she was right. He left the house quickly. His truck was still at Goldstein's. He had completely forgotten about that. He should have had Kate drop him off at his truck instead. Then maybe this whole mess wouldn't have happened. Isabelle could be safe at home.

Before he could spend too much time panicking his cell phone rang.

"Iz?" he asked.

"It's me," Kate said.

"How did you get this number?" he asked.

"Well," she began. "Actually because I'm sitting in front of Isabelle right now. Thank god she remembered her daddy's cell phone number."

"Is she alright?" he asked.

"She's fine," Kate nodded. "I found her in the park swinging on the swings all by herself. She's wearing the dress she wore yesterday."

"The park down the street, like a block?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "I'm coming, I'll be there in a second."

"Well here's the thing," she began. "She doesn't want to see you."

"Really?" he asked. "Well that's just too damn bad, I'm her father, and I'm coming to get her."

"Just relaying the message Jimmy," she responded.

Sawyer ran all the way there. He didn't have time to tell Charlotte where he was going. When he got to the park, he realized that he too hadn't changed since the funeral. He walked toward the swings. Kate was swinging next to Izzy. She was listening to what she was saying. He sighed and slowed down as he approached them.

"My mommy was the prettiest girl in the world," Isabelle told Kate.

"I didn't know her," Kate said. "But you're a very beautiful little girl."

"Iz," Sawyer sighed. "Come on. Let me take you home."

"No!" she exclaimed "I hate you! I hate you!"

Sawyer closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Ok, fine," he replied. "Hate me all you want, but can you please just come home?"

"No," she scoffed.

"All this sass and only 6 years old."

"I'm 7 and a half you dumb-" she began and he raised his eyebrows challenging her to continue. She didn't say anything else, but she stood up and pushed past him. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a hug. She struggled to get free of him.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Let me go!"

"Aw, come on Iz," he sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-left last night. I should have-I should have been here with you. I just-I miss her."

He held her tightly and she pressed her face against his chest and finally gave in. He dropped to his knees and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Mommy didn't come home either," she frowned.

"I know," he shook his head. "I know. I'm so sorry Isabelle. Please. Don't hate me darlin'. You're all I got now. I love you Iz."

"I love you too daddy," she said with her lip trembling. "I miss mommy so much."

She leaned against him, but wasn't crying yet. He looked down at her and shook his head.

"It's ok honey," he whispered.

"I don't want to cry," she said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because cryin' is for sissies," she answered.

"Now where in the world did you here a silly thing like that?" he asked. She smirked. He knew for a fact that he had said it plenty of times when she cried because of a splinter or because of something that she shouldn't be crying over. "Iz. That's not true. Honey. Cryin' is what you do to let your emotions out. If you didn't cry you'd go crazy."

"Did you cry daddy?" she frowned.

"Not me," he shook his head.

"Your daddy is lying," Kate whispered. She stood up and bent down to whisper in Isabelle's ear. "Last night, he was very sad about your momma. He couldn't stop crying. That's why he didn't come home. He was too sad to see you and your brother and sister. But that's all he talked about. His family. Thanks for keepin' me company Izzy."

"Bye Kate," she half smiled. Kate walked away and Sawyer nodded a thank you. He looked back at Isabelle and cupped her face.

"I love you more than anything Isabelle," he said with tears coming into his eyes.

"You cryin' daddy?" she asked.

"A little," he choked softly. He hugged her and felt her starting to cry. He sighed deeply and started crying too, but wouldn't sob the way she was. He picked her up and carried her slowly back to the house. She was almost getting too heavy to carry anymore. But he managed. He set her down when they got to the driveway. She stopped crying. She wiped her cheeks and took a deep breath.

"I don't want to cry in front of him," she frowned.

"Honey," he sighed. "You don't have to think about that-I mean…it's ok to cry in front of Jason."

"But I-" she began.

"We should all feel free to cry together," he said.

"Kate said I could cry any time," she said.

"Kate's right," he replied. "Cry anytime."

"Daddy, can I sleep in your bed tonight with you?" she asked. He hesitated. He didn't know if it would be a good idea or not. Was she too old to sleep next to him? He realized that he didn't really care. Sleeping alone the night before was quite possibly the worst thing.

"Sure," he nodded. "You and Jase both."

"Yay!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry I ran away daddy. I love you."

"I love you too," he sighed. He bent down and kissed her forehead.

**A/N: Having trouble with inspiration. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

James got the kids ready to bed by himself. His aunt left the house earlier in the day. She would have stayed if he wanted her to, but he thought it would be better if he started dealing with the kids by himself. He got Izzy's bath water ready but she didn't want him to be in the bathroom with her. He tucked in Gracie and kissed her on the forehead. Izzy and Jason slept on either side of him. He fell asleep a lot easier than he expected to.

_**Flashback**_

James was sleeping soundly. The baby was crying. Juliet mumbled softly and rolled over. She accidentally smacked him in the face, which woke him up immediately.

"Hmm, sorry," she murmured.

"S'ok," he groaned. "You want me to go get her?"

"You don't ever hear her baby, do you?" Juliet said softly.

"Not really," he chuckled. "Sorry. Could sleep through a tornado. But darlin', I can go if you want me to."

"Nah," she sighed. "I'll go."

She got out of bed. James listened to her in the baby's room. She started humming softly. The baby immediately stopped crying. James smiled and listened. Her voice was soothing him back to sleep too, even though he didn't mean for it to. He started falling asleep before Juliet could come back to bed. She slid into bed quietly.

"I love you James," she whispered into his ear. She wrapped her arms around him, which only woke him up slightly.

_**Flashback Over**_

"Daddy!" Izzy exclaimed. "Daddy, Gracie is crying and annoying."

James woke up, slightly violently, but not touching either child laying in bed with him. He could hear Gracie crying. He heard it through the baby monitor, but he could hear it without the monitor too. She was screaming for her mommy. James closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He got out of the bed and went into the baby's room quickly. He picked her up and held her against him.

"Gracie," he whispered.

"Momma, momma," she said clinging on to him. He sighed again and carried her into his bedroom. He laid down and cradled her.

"Where momma?" Gracie asked. She didn't know very many words. He looked down at her and sighed softly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," James answered softly.

"Momma," Gracie said again. He sighed again and pulled her closer. She said it again. She kept saying it. He knew that Izzy was still awake. She looked at James and shook her head.

"Shut up Gracie, momma's dead," Izzy answered.

"Shh," James scolded quietly. He didn't want to be too harsh with Izzy since she had just lost her mother. "Izzy don't."

"She needs to shut up," Izzy replied.

"Isabelle," he sighed. "She's a baby. She doesn't understand where your momma went off to. She just knows that she's not here right now."

"Well, I miss mommy too," Isabelle said. "But she doesn't have to remind us!"

"Iz," he whispered. "Shh. Go to bed." Isabelle shut her eyes. James watched her doze off to sleep.

At some time he himself ended up falling asleep. When he woke up, Isabelle was cuddled against him. He didn't know where Gracie was, but he could feel Jason's breathing on the other side of him. He sat up and saw Gracie sleeping at the foot of the bed. He let out a soft chuckle and picked her up carefully. She didn't wake up at first, but then she did. She looked at James and frowned.

"Mommy?" she asked. He sighed deeply and kissed her on the nose. He wished that she had been too little to even know that she was gone, but instead, she knew perfectly well that her mom wasn't around anymore.

"Daddy?" Jason groaned and sat up. "Is mommy coming home soon?"

"No," he whispered. "Mommy isn't coming home buddy."

"Why?" he whined. "I want her to come back!"

"I know," he sighed. "Me too. You want some breakfast honey?"

"Yeah," he answered. James went downstairs. He carried Gracie. Jason followed him like a shadow, but he left Izzy sleeping. He figured that Isabelle needed the sleep. He started making breakfast. He wasn't really good at the whole Mr. Mom thing. He loved his kids more than anything, but that didn't matter when it came to being a good dad. Being the sole parent. Juliet was a doctor, but she spent most of her time with the kids. James was a lawyer. He was always at work. Even when he came home, he had to spend the time working. Isabelle always complained about not spending enough time with her dad. He tried his best to spend time with each kid, but the only quality time he could grant them was during the weekends, and even then he had to do at least some work. His clients counted on him to get them free. He had chosen defense attorney for a reason…that saying…innocent till proven guilty. He always held that close to his heart. He had been accused of some things in his past, and without that…innocent till proven guilty…he would have been lynched at the site.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He couldn't quit his job. That was for sure. But he didn't know how to juggle work and the kids. He never knew how Juliet had done it. He cooked breakfast. He would have this whole week off for bereavement. He hated that term…bereavement. Why couldn't they just call it what it was…it was for grieving. It was for the death of his wife. He looked at the calendar. He was glad to have the quality time with the kids, but he didn't know if he could even bring himself to grieve for a whole week straight. It would be almost too much time. He didn't want to think about it for a week. If he could go back to work, he could keep his mind off of it.

"What do you little goobers want for breakfast?" he asked. He put a dry bowl of cheerios in front of Gracie, which left her perfectly content.

"I want waffles," Jason answered.

"No!" Izzy exclaimed, reaching the bottom of the steps and going into the kitchen. "I want French toast."

"No," Jason whined. "Daddy asked me first!"

"Daddy I want French toast," Izzy told him. "You'll let me have French toast right? I'm your favorite."

"Nuh uh!" Jason exclaimed. "I'm daddy's favorite. Girls are gross."

"Daddy!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Gracie is my favorite," he responded with a smirk.

"Hey!" they both exclaimed.

"Daddy, what are you gonna make?" Izzy asked.

"I dunno," he mumbled. "Stop arguing. Compromise."

"What does that mean?" Jason asked.

"You know what compromise means dummy," Izzy said.

"Don't call your brother dumb," James answered. "Both of you stop it. I'm making pancakes."

"No!" Jason whined. "I don't like pancakes."

"Shut up Jason!" Izzy exclaimed. Gracie started crying. James sighed and picked her up. He held her on his hip.

"Paci," Gracie said.

"Crap," James replied softly.

_**Flashback**_

James walked up the stairs. Juliet was upstairs trying to get Gracie to go to sleep. The other kids had been in bed for hours already. He could hear Gracie crying softly. He could tell that she was exhausted, but she wouldn't stop crying. He went into the bedroom. Juliet was sitting on their bed cuddling Gracie.

"Why don't you just give it to her?" James said. "I mean-"

"No," she shook her head. "We've already weaned her for the most part. This is now day 7. She's too old to be sucking on a pacifier James."

"I know, but I can't stand to hear her crying," he frowned. He took the baby from Juliet and looked at her. The baby coughed and stopped crying.

"Have you been giving her the pacifier when I'm not around?" she chuckled. "Why does she stop crying when you hold her?"

"Cuz she loves me more," he teased. He carried her into her own room and put her down in the crib. She looked up at him and fussed.

"No more paci," he told her sadly. "Sorry baby."

_**Flashback Over**_

He knew that he shouldn't give her the pacifier. She started whining. He shifted her to the other hip and started mixing the pancake mix. She started whining louder.

"Shh," he whispered. "The pacies are all gone Gracie."

"No!" she cried. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew for a fact that he couldn't do this for an entire week. He put her down and she continued to cry. He made the pancakes. By the time the pancakes were done cooking, Gracie stopped crying. He set her down and she whined and lifted her arms up to him.

"Hold on," he said. "I gotta get the pancakes-"

She started crying and laid down on the floor in front of him. He stepped over her and ignored it.

"I'll pick you up when you can behave," he replied. "You know we don't like that Grace."

He put the plates in front of the other children and sat down himself. He started eating his own pancakes. Gracie continued to cry. She looked up at him to see if he was listening, but he seemed to be tuning it out completely.

"All done!" Jason exclaimed. He got up from the table and ran into the kitchen. He wasn't watching where he was going, and tripped over his sister. He tried to catch himself. His plate flew across the floor and shattered. He fell and hit his chin against the floor. He started screaming. James quickly got up. He swore under his breath, hoping Izzy didn't hear him, but not really caring at the same time. He picked Jason up.

"Owie!" he sobbed. He looked at him. His mouth was bleeding.

"You're alright," James whispered. He set Jason down on the counter and ran to get a towel of ice. He held the ice against Jason's mouth. It didn't seem to help. He was only crying harder. He pulled the towel back away. There was too much blood for him to see where the bleeding was actually coming from.

"Daddy it hurts!" Jason exclaimed.

"Ok, well hold the ice on it, it will feel better," he sighed.

"I want mommy!" he yelled. "I want my mommy."

He looked at his mouth. It looked like he only bit his lip. It didn't look deep or like it would need stitches.

"Put me down!" Jason exclaimed. "I want mommy!"

He struggled out of James' arms and ran up the stairs. Izzy frowned and looked down at her plate.

"That looked like it hurt," she said softly.

"What should I do Iz?" he asked. She shrugged and took her plate to the sink. Gracie was still laying on the floor. She had stopped crying and was looking at the ceiling. Izzy walked up to her and looked down at her.

"You hurt Jay!" she exclaimed. Gracie frowned, but didn't cry.

"Izzy, what would mom do?" James asked.

"Well she wouldn't have let Gracie lay on the floor for someone to trip over," she said with a scoff. Izzy went up stairs. James sighed and picked up the baby. She hugged him.

"Hmm, at least you still love me," he said softly. He heard his phone chirping. He picked it up and looked at it. He had a new text message. He flipped the phone open and clicked to open the text. _Mornin' Sunshine. _It was from Kate. He scoffed slightly and put the phone back down. He would text her later…pretend like he hadn't just gotten the message.

He went upstairs to find out if Jason was ok. He opened Jason's bedroom door. Izzy was sitting on his bed next to him. Jason was crying, but James was sure that it wasn't because his lip hurt.

"I miss mommy," he whined. "Why did she leave us?"

"I dunno," Izzy answered. "It's like when Winston died I guess."

"But Winston was just a stupid cat," he frowned.

"I know," she whispered. "Jase, I miss mommy too. I wish she was here. She's not-"

"I like her better than daddy," Jason said.

"Jason!" Izzy exclaimed.

"What?" he asked. "She gives me candy when I fall, and she hugs me and tells me I'm her pumpkin. I miss her!"

"I know," she sighed again. "But that's not nice Jason. Daddy loves us."

"I know," he answered. James left the doorway quietly and without being seen. He went back downstairs with Gracie. He set her down next to her toys, which she didn't seem to want to play with. He picked up his phone again. He read Kate's message and then put the phone down again. He sighed and looked down at Gracie. Gracie had resigned to play with one of her toys. She was choosing to take one of the stacking rings and hitting it against the floor.

"Gracie," he whispered. "Should I call her?"

"Dada," she said.

"Hmm, maybe you're right," he said. "Not yet anyway."

That night James made dinner. The kids came out of their rooms. Jason's lip looked ugly, and painful. He didn't want to eat anything. James didn't want to force him, but he would have to eat something.

"Come on buddy," he said. "Please, just a few bites."

"No," he cried. "My lip hurts. Mommy wouldn't make me."

James put his fork down and looked at both of the older children. He shook his head and stood up to get more milk. He poured milk in both of their glasses and sat down. He put his elbows on the table and linked his fingers together.

"Ok," he sighed. "I know…both of you miss your mother. Believe me, I miss her too. I know that things would be so much better if she were still here. Everything would be perfect. Everything was always perfect…but guess what? It can't be that way anymore. You're gonna have to help me."

"I want mommy," Jason complained. James knew that Jason was going to have a hard time with it. Izzy too, he couldn't explain it. He wouldn't explain it one more time.

"I know," he sighed continuing to eat. "Jason, just eat 3 bites and then you can be excused."

Jason did as he was told and then left the table and went into the living room. He turned the TV on and the sound up loudly. James sighed and shook his head.

"Will you go tell him to turn the TV down?" he asked Izzy.

"No," she answered. "You do it."

James cleared the table, even though Izzy appeared to still be eating. He put the dishes in the sink and went into the living room. He turned off the TV and looked at Jason who looked amused till the TV was turned off.

"Get up to your room," he said with his arms crossed.

"I hate you!" he exclaimed. "I wish mommy was here."

"I wish mommy was here too!" he yelled back. "You weren't such a brat when she was alive! Get up to your room right now!"

Jason ran up to his room and slammed the door. Gracie started crying. Mostly because she was scared of James's booming voice. He looked at her and went upstairs. He went into his own room and dialed Kate's number.

"Hello?" she asked. "Jimmy?"

"Katie," he sighed. "I don't know what to do. Everything's falling apart. My kids hate me. They miss their mom, and God, I miss her too, but I just-I don't know what to do Kate."

"Slow down," she said. "What happened?"

"Everything!" he exclaimed. "Everything has happened. I can't even tell Jason to eat his food or Izzy to-I don't know anything anymore Kate. I need-I need help."

"Do you want me to come over?" she asked.

"Yes," he sighed. "Please, Katie. I need someone."

"Ok," she replied. "Good thing I'm not busy."

He chuckled softly and hung up the phone. He came out of the room. He could hear commotion coming from Jason's room. He went into the room and saw Izzy helping him pack.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"We don't want to live here anymore," Izzy said. "We're going to live with Aunt Charlotte."

"I don't think so," he shook his head. "You can't just leave-"

"You're mean!" Jason exclaimed.

"Fine," he scoffed. "Where's your sister?"

"I don't know," Izzy shrugged. "Maybe downstairs where you left her."

"Izzy, quit being such a brat!" he exclaimed. "I'm so sick of being the bad guy. You two are staying right here. I'm not letting this family fall apart."

"It fell apart when mom died!" Izzy cried. She slammed Jason's door in James' face. He started down the stairs slowly, but then he heard Gracie crying, so he went quicker. She was still sitting in her high chair. . He sighed deeply and picked her up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He held her against him and ran his hand down the back of her head. "I'm terrible at this. I can't do this. I'm a horrible father."

He carried her over to the couch and sat down. Gracie stopped crying.

"Dada," she said softly. He kissed her on the top of the head. He looked outside and waited for Kate to come. He saw her car pull into the driveway. He got up, with Gracie still in his arms. He opened the door. Kate looked at him and smiled weakly.

"What's up?" she asked.

He stepped out of the way and let her into the house.

**A/N: Please leave me a review if you liked. :D **


	4. Chapter 4

She stepped toward him.

"Are you ok? You sounded-" she began.

"I just want my best friend in the entire world," he shook his head.

"I'm so sorry," she blinked. "Juliet meant so much to you. I can see it in your eyes. And every time you look at your children."

"No," he sniffed. "My best friend, Katie. Remember when we were best friends."

"I remember when you'd chase me around my house," she chuckled softly.

"C-can you take her?" he asked, handing her the baby without waiting for an answer. Kate took the baby somewhat awkwardly. But then she smiled and looked at the baby.

"Hey," Kate cooed. "How are you? It's Gracie right?"

The baby giggled. Kate smiled again. Kate heard footsteps running down the stairs. She looked up and saw Izzy and Jason coming down the stairs, with their suitcases.

"Hold it right there," James said. "You two aren't going anywhere."

"Kate!" Izzy exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," Kate began. "Your daddy called me because he was scared you two were gonna leave him all alone. He didn't want to be all alone. Why were you guys leaving?"

"Because we didn't want to stay here anymore without mommy," Izzy answered.

"Ah," Kate nodded. "And you thought life would be so much better without your mommy and daddy?"

"No," Jason frowned. "I don't want to leave daddy."

He ran toward James at full force and slammed into him to hug him. He fell over, but held on to Jason and hugged him back.

"I love you too daddy," Izzy said, walking over to them. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok," he mumbled. "I left you guys yesterday, sorta pay backs. Love you Iz."

She leaned down and hugged him.

"Here," Kate said, putting Gracie into James' arms. She picked up the two suitcases the other kids had been carrying. "How about I help you guys unpack?"

Izzy stood up and followed Kate. Jason followed his big sister. They went to Jason's room first. Kate helped the kids unpack. They mostly packed their toys. Kate only saw one change of clothes for each kid. When they were finished, they went back downstairs. James was on the couch.

"Are you gonna stay?" he asked. Izzy sat down next to him and put her head against James' chest. He put his arm around her. Jason walked toward him and went to sit on his lap. Kate looked at them and went into the kitchen.

"Daddy, can I watch TV?" Jason asked. James nodded and stood up off the couch. He went into the kitchen. Kate was sitting at the table. He sat down next to her instead of across from her.

"Why did you call me James?" she asked. "I mean-"

"I needed my best friend, I already told you that," he said.

"Ok, but you didn't seem to really need me at all," she answered. "I was here for like a minute and a half. I didn't do anything."

"Freckles," he sighed deeply. "I know. I just-I really wanted you to come over. I really wanted to see you and spend time with you. I know it sounds crazy and it probably even makes me a complete jerk-off considering my wife just died, but-I needed someone to help me. You were the first person I thought of."

"They're amazing kids," she told him.

"Do you still need a job?" he asked.

"Huh?" she said furrowing her eyebrows.

"Well, I just figured, you came back, with nothing, you had just lost your job and boyfriend, so I'm thinking maybe you don't have a job lined up," he answered.

"Well, you're right, but what does that have to do with anything?" she asked. "I mean, are you-"

"I need to go back to work," he told her. "I need to work, but I don't have anyone to watch the kids."

"So you want someone to watch your kids?" she said. "Like be a nanny?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Y'know, pick up Jason from kindergarten, stay home all day with Gracie. It's a pretty easy job."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "You've been doing it for what 2 and a half days, and you're calling me already for help?"

"Ok, but you were always better with kids than me," he responded.

"You're so full of it," she shook her head.

"Ok, fine, well, can you do it or should I start searching?" he asked.

"James," she whispered. "I don't know-"

"Please?" he said softly. "Hey. We even have a spare bedroom. You could stay here instead of with your mom."

"You want me to move in too?" she asked. "I'm not sure-"

"Katie, you're a grown up now. You don't have to ask your mom for permission. You can make this choice all on your own?"

"I know," she sighed. "Jimmy-"

"Please do it Kate!" Izzy exclaimed. "I want you to be the nanny!"

"Yeah!" Jason said. "Daddy, Kate's nice."

"See? They love you," he said. "You gotta stay."

"Ok," she sighed. "But I don't know if I want to stay here."

"Well, we can decide that later," he replied. "I'm gonna go tuck them in."

He took all 3 kids up the stairs. Kate contemplated leaving, but she decided to stay. She watched the tv which was left on the cartoon that Jason had been watching. James was gone for the duration of the show. She didn't even know why she would watch it. He came back down the stairs and sat down next to her.

"Thanks for staying," he whispered. "I thought for sure you would have left."

"No," she sighed. "I'm trying to decide whether it's a good idea if I stay here."

"I usually leave at around 7 in the morning to get to the office. But I mean, if you don't want to stay it's ok. I won't hold it against you," he responded. There was a short pause and then he looked at her. "Please stay. I mean…I don't even hear Gracie at night."

"So now I'm supposed to get up at 3 in the morning with your daughter?" she asked.

"Does that make me a terrible person?" he asked.

"I guess not...if you don't hear her," she whispered.

"She was cheating on me," he murmured.

"What?" she asked.

"Juliet," he whispered. "I mean. I know she loved me. She was-she apologized. We were in therapy. She wanted to work things out, but-the guy…he started stalking her."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He started-" he sighed. "He started calling her all the time. He wouldn't leave her alone. She was on her way home from work, and he started following her. She tried to lose him, but-but he just stayed on her, and then-she got into an accident. He…the bastard lived. And she died."

"I'm sorry," Kate murmured.

"I loved her so much," he shook his head. "But-y'know that stupid saying-"

"It's better to loved and lost than never to have loved before?" she asked.

"No," he said rolling his eyes slightly. "I can forgive, but I'll never forget. I forgave her. I didn't want to lose her. Even though she cheated on me, I wanted to stay with her. I wanted to work it out. And so did she. I mean, she said she was sorry. I believed her. But every so often, I would wonder…what did he have that I didn't?"

"That's a good question, Jimmy," she whispered.

"He's a doctor…I guess that's why," he said.

"You're a lawyer," she replied. "That's bullshit that it's because he's a doctor. She's a-"

"Hey," he interrupted. "Don't call her any name. She's dead. I told you. I loved her anyway. It doesn't matter that she cheated on me. She wasn't cheating anymore."

"Ok," she nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't even know her. I shouldn't be judging. But anyone who would cheat on you-"

"What's worse?" he asked. "Her cheating on me or you leaving me…with a damn letter?"

"Jimmy," she sighed.

"I don't want to hear you're sorry," he mumbled. "You left. You left me with a note."

"I know," she answered. "I wasn't going to say I'm sorry…not about that. I'm sorry I about your wife. You deserve better than me. I'm sorry that I even tried to say anything about her."

"It's ok," he responded. "So are you gonna stay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm gonna stay."

"I'll show you to your room," he said with a smile. He stood up and held out his hand for her to take. She smiled back."I'll move in tomorrow," she answered. She took his hand and followed him down the hall. Her room was on the first floor. It was a really nice big room with it's own bathroom.

"Why is this here?" she asked. "I mean, it's awesome, and beautiful, but…I mean, why would you have a room here? It's just-"

"Juliet's mom used to live with us," he replied. "She was actually sort of the nanny. But then she got too sick to-she wasn't around anymore. She's still alive, if you're wondering, but she's just too sick to take care of the kids, so she moved into a home. We've been trying to actually hire a nanny so that Juliet could concentrate more on work…neither of us want to be absent parents, but-"

"You just need some help," she answered. "You both have stressful jobs."

"I'm glad you're here Katie," he said. "Maybe I'll go back to work in a couple days."

"You sure?" she asked."I can't stay here anymore," he sighed. "I have to get back to work. I have to stop thinking about Juliet. Do you mind if I go do errands tomorrow? It's a Sunday so all the kids will be here. It might just give you a chance to get to know them. See if it will work out."

"Ok," she nodded. "Sure."

"See you in the morning then," he said, standing somewhat close to her.

"Goodnight James," she responded with a smile. She left the house and looked back at the house as she drove away.

**A/N: If you enjoy tell your friends. :D. And please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

Kate came early the next morning. James came to the door. He was holding Gracie, who was bawling. She heard the other kids running around and making a lot of noise.

"Welcome to the jungle," he answered. She half chuckled. He went back into the kitchen, and tried to get Gracie to stop crying. He kept looking at his watch.

"Do you have some place to be?" she asked. "I mean, I thought that you didn't go back to work till next week."

"Yeah, but I want to see if I can get out of the house on time," he responded. He kissed Gracie and handed her to Kate, which didn't help matters with the crying. He ruffled Jason's hair and tried to hug Izzy, but she pushed him away as she took a bite of cereal.

"Bye kids," James said. "I'm gonna be away for a couple of hours and Kate's gonna take care of you."

"No daddy, you gotta stay!" Jason exclaimed. "I don't want you to leave. Let me come with you!"

"Jase," James sighed. He knelt down in front of Jason and put his hands on his shoulders. "Jason. Listen. Next week, I gotta go back to work so I don't lose my job ok? This is just testing for a little bit to see if you guys like Kate."

"Will you be gone a long time?" he frowned.

"No," he shook his head. "Just a few hours."

"Come back daddy," Jason frowned. "I'm scared."

James sighed deeply and picked him up. He looked at Jason and shook his head.

"Listen," James whispered. "You and Kate are gonna have so much fun that you're not going to even have time to miss me. Don't be scared. I'll be back before lunch, kay?"

"Jimmy, maybe you should wait-" Kate began.

"No Katie," he shook his head. "I have to go back to work next week. I have to. So they have to get used to you being around instead of me. It's going to be ok. I'll have my cell phone, so if things get really bad, just call me."

He set Jason back down, who was still frowning, but waved meekly. James left the house. Kate looked at Gracie who immediately started crying harder. Kate looked at her and shook her head.

"It's ok," she said. "Don't worry. We'll have a ton of fun. What do you guys want to do?"

"Can we watch TV?" Izzy asked.

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "Sure."

Kate looked around the house. It was awkward. She didn't know what to think. This was Jimmy's life now. Father of 3 kids. Husband. No, not husband. Widower.

"Kate, did you know my mommy?" Jason asked.

"No," Kate shook her head. "I didn't know her. I-"

"She was the bestest," he told her. She smiled at him and nodded.

"You're daddy told me," she said.

"Do you like my daddy?" Izzy asked.

"I'm friends with your daddy," Kate said. "We were best friends when we were your age."

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "Your daddy used to tease me all the time."

"I wish my mommy was here," Izzy said. "She would have liked you."

Kate gave her a weak smile. The rest of the time things were mostly quiet. But right before James returned back home, Gracie started crying. Kate was walking back and forth with her.

"Paci," Gracie said softly. Kate shook her head and looked at Izzy.

"Where's her paci?" Kate asked.

"No more paci Gracie," Izzy replied.

"Why?" Gracie frowned.

"Cuz mommy says so!" she exclaimed.

"No!" Gracie cried. Kate rocked Gracie slowly, trying to get her to calm down. But the more she rocked, the harder Gracie cried.

The door opened and James walked inside.

"Daddy!" Jason exclaimed. He ran toward James and flung his arms around him. James picked him up and looked at Kate.

"Uh oh," James said. "Doesn't look like it went well."

"We like Kate!" Jason replied. "She let us watch TV."

"Good," he smiled. "Why is Gracie crying?"

He walked toward Kate and took the baby from her. Gracie rested her head against James' shoulder, somewhat defeated.

"Paci," she mumbled. James nodded and sighed. He rubbed Gracie's back and looked at her.

"Darlin', I know you want your paci," he said. "And if any kid deserves a paci, it would be you. But pacies are for babies. You're not a baby anymore. You're a big girl."

"No daddy, paci," she said. He scratched his forehead.

"You mind if I try something?" Kate asked.

"You're the new nanny," he replied. She chuckled and looked at Gracie.

"Your mommy and daddy gave your pacies away," Kate told her. "They gave the pacies to little babies who need them."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because some babies don't have a paci," Kate told her somewhat sadly. "Don't you want the babies to be happy?"

"No," Gracie answered.

"Sorry," Kate shrugged. "I tried."

"Better than anything I could think of," he responded. "I'm glad it worked out for the first few hours. I just wonder how it's going to be for a full day."

"Well we should probably do a test run of that too," she answered. "I mean…how long are you usually gone every day?"

"Close to 10 hours…sometimes even longer," he replied. "I leave the house at 7 in the morning. The kids usually don't wake up till 8 though. But it might be different if I'm the only one here. They might want to say goodbye to me in the mornings."

"They love you," Kate smiled. "Jimmy…James. I'm really glad I came back. I mean. I'm really sad that you lost your wife and those kids lost their mom, but…I'm really glad to be back here. I missed home. And it's just really good to see that your life is so good. God, that sounds so dumb, especially considering-"

"I know what you meant Kate," he answered. "I feel pretty lucky…besides…y'know."

"Ok," she whispered. "I should probably get goin'."

"Oh no you don't!" he exclaimed. "You're part of the family now. You're gonna stay here. Eat dinner with the fam. Get to know us. Maybe even see a great fight so you can see what we're really like."

"Ok," she said softly. "Sure. I'll stay. But I'm not spending the night."

"Why not?" he scoffed.

"Because I don't have any of my stuff," she replied.

"Fine you've won this one Austen, but I'll get you next time," he said.

"Can I ask you something James?" she asked, stepping toward him.

"Sure," he nodded.

"Did you-" she began.

"Daddy!" Izzy exclaimed, coming into the room. "What's for lunch?"

"Oh, are you hungry?" Kate asked. "You know what my favorite is?"

"No," she answered.

"Grilled cheese," Kate said.

"Yeah!" Izzy exclaimed. "Daddy can we have grilled cheese?"

"But of course mon cher," Sawyer answered with his best French accent.

"James," Kate began. "Grilled cheese isn't French."

"It can be if I make it with French bread," he answered. Kate and Izzy both laughed. Izzy raised her arms up for James to pick her up. "Iz. You're too big."

She frowned. He sighed softly and picked her up. It was true. She was tall for her age and she almost was too big for him to carry. Kate went to the kitchen. She started rummaging around searching for ingredients to make the grilled cheese. James watched as Kate put the pan on the stove.

"You know where everything is," he said softly.

"Well, I just guessed, " she shrugged.

Kate finished making lunch. James got the kids to the table. They talked and ate. It was suddenly all very comfortable, which made Kate uncomfortable. She cleared her throat and stood up.

"I'll be right back," she whispered, almost on the verge of tears. She left the house and sat down on the steps. She heard the front door open and looked behind her. She thought that it would be Jimmy, but instead it was Jason. He looked at her and put his arms around her.

"Thank you for the grilled cheese Katie," he said. Tears pricked her eyes and she hugged the little boy back. She looked at him and then wiped the tears from her face. "You're sad?"

"Oh," she sighed. "Maybe just a little."

"I'm sad too," he frowned. "I miss my mommy."

"I know," she whispered.

"Buddy, why don't you go inside and help your sister," James said coming down the steps. Jason ran back into the house. James sat down next to Kate. "You alright?"

She nodded and breathed in sharply. She wiped her tears again.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "I mean…this is the first time I've smiled since-"

"I know," she sobbed softly. She breathed out again and shook her head. "I can't-I can't imagine what any of you are going through. And-God, Jimmy. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can-"

"Take care of someone else's kids?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I mean, I can't be their mom-"

"I'm not asking you to be their mom, or to marry me or anything," he replied, standing up. "I just need a nanny. Your call."

"Jimmy," she whispered.

"What were you going to ask me?" he asked. She stood up and stepped toward him.

"I can't," she shook her head. "We should get back inside."

"Freckles-" he began.

"We're good," she said. "Let's just see how everything works out."

"Ok," he replied.

They went inside. James cleaned up the lunch dishes. Kate played a game with Jason. Izzy started playing with them too, but got annoyed when Jason wouldn't follow the real rules. Kate didn't care about the lack of rules. She was having fun with the little boy. He seemed to be having a lot of fun with her too. When she stopped playing he didn't want to stop.

"I'm gonna go see your sister," Kate said. She went upstairs. She knocked on Izzy's door and then went inside. Izzy was sitting on the ground playing with one of her dolls.

"What are you doin' up here all by yourself?" Kate asked.

"Jason wasn't listening to the rules," she answered. "I didn't want to play that stupid game."

"What do you want to play?" she asked.

"Can we have a tea party?" Izzy asked. "I can't have a tea party with daddy."

"Why not?" Kate chuckled. "I bet you anything your daddy would have a tea party with you."

"But tea parties are for girls only," Izzy replied.

"I'll play with you," Kate answered.

Kate spent the rest of the day hanging out with all the kids. She played tea party and then they went back down the stairs. James played with them some, but he spent most of the day just observing. Kate seemed to be doing great with them, but every so often, he would see her staring into space. He knew that she was feeling slightly awkward with the children, but as the day went on, it was less and less awkward.

After dinner, James put the kids to bed without Kate's help. She waited at the kitchen table. When he came down the stairs he smiled at her.

"You're stuck now," he said. "Izzy said she can't wait till I go back to work so she can hang out with you all the time."

"Yeah," Kate whispered.

"You can't leave now Katie," he replied. "You can't change your mind. You can't-"

"I'm going to stay," she responded. "I'll-I'll move in this weekend. But Jimmy-"

"I know," he nodded. "It's weird. You're gonna have to get used to it."

"I will," she said. "I'll get used to all of it."

Kate didn't have much stuff to bring to James' house, but he helped her move that weekend. Izzy was excited to have Kate staying with them. Jason wanted Kate to hold him on her lap. James knew that they were both clinging to Kate because they missed Juliet. He was glad that they liked her though instead of hating her. Gracie on the other hand, didn't take to Kate as much as the others. She wouldn't let Kate hold her. She only wanted James. James was scared that she wouldn't do well when he left for work. So the night of Kate's arrival, he told her it would be better if Kate tried putting the kids to bed.

Kate read a story to Jason and Izzy, in Jason's room. Jason crawled over and sat on Kate's lap. Kate finished the story and got out of the bed. She tucked Jason under the covers and looked at him.

"Hugs and kisses!" he exclaimed. Kate chuckled and hugged him. She kissed him on the forehead and then lead Izzy into her room.

"I can get into bed all by myself. Goodnight Kate," Izzy said. She hugged her and got into her bed. Kate went back into the hall. Sawyer was standing, holding Gracie and smiling.

"You're so great with them," he said. "God, I think you might even be better than me at this whole parenting thing."

"Oh come on," she scoffed. "I've been here less than a day. In no time I'm sure we'll hear Izzy screaming "you're not my real mother anyway!" and Jason telling me that he wishes his mother never died because then I wouldn't be here. Give it time…they'll hate me eventually."

"Nah," he shook his head. "Here. Take this little rascal see if you can't get her to take a shine to you."

Kate took Gracie from James' arms. She started whining at first. Kate carried her into her bedroom. She sat down in the chair in the corner of the room. She started singing softly. At first she started with hush little baby. She stopped crying. Then Kate started singing Amazing Grace. Gracie seemed to like that song. She looked up at Kate almost in awe. Kate stood up and continued to sing, but then put Gracie down in her crib and left the room.

"Wow," James said. "I feel really stupid."

"What?" she asked.

"For nearly 2 years I've been trying to think of a song that I could sing to Graice with her name in it," he said. "Never even thought of Amazing Grace."

"You're a good liar," Kate said.

"No really," he answered.

"Come on!" she exclaimed. "Amazing Grace? You don't know that song? They played it at your parents funeral!"

"Ok, fine, I know the song, but I never thought to sing it to her I guess," he said.

"Well it is pretty depressing," she responded. "They always play it at funerals. I won't sing it again."

"She loved it," he shrugged. "Might as well make her happy."

"So now what?" she asked. "Kids are in bed. What do we do now?"

"Anything we want," he answered.

James and Kate went downstairs and he went to the freezer. He pulled out the carton of ice cream and got a couple of spoons. Kate laughed, but she sat down at the table and took a spoon anyway. They started eating the ice cream straight from the carton, mostly in silence. Kate watched him as they ate. He licked his lips. She blew out her breath, getting a slight ice cream headache.

"Ow," she broke the silence.

"That guy," James began. "He must be a real loser."

"What guy?" she asked.

"The guy who cheated on you," he answered. "Who would ever cheat on you?"

"Who would ever cheat on you?" she asked back.

"Guess we have somethin' on common Freckles," he murmured. "But Juliet apologized and we got past it. We moved away from it. She wasn't ever going to do it again."

"Do you think she loved him?" she whispered. "I mean-never mind forget I asked that. I'm sorry. I'm a-"

"She loved him. She loved who she could be when she was with him," he answered. "But she regretted it. She told me that the moment she did it she wished she could take it back. She missed me. We didn't see much of each other. But we were trying to make it better. We were trying to-never mind. So...you never did tell me what you were going to ask me."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Yesterday you were about to ask me something, when Izzy interrupted," he said. "So what was it you were going to ask."

"I have no right to even ask you," she whispered. "I think we should just forget it. I should go to bed. I'm tired, and I have a long day tomorrow."

"No," he said. "I'm not going to let you get away that easily. Just tell me. It couldn't have been that bad. I mean come on Freckles. We used to tell each other anything. Ask me anything. I won't get mad or cry and get upset or throw a temper tantrum, just ask."

"Do you ever think about what would have happened if I had stayed?" she asked quickly.

"Every day," he whispered.

She got up quickly and started walking to her room. Then she noticed that he was following her. She stood in the doorway to her new room and turned toward him.

"Jimmy," she whispered. He rested his hand on her cheek. He started leaning forward. She quickly backed away and stepped into the room. "Goodnight!"

She shut the door and put her back against it. Was he really about to kiss her? Surely he would have stopped himself if she hadn't stopped him. She had remembered all of this from before. His charms. The way he'd touch her face just before planting a good kiss on her lips. His lips were always so soft. Like two pillows against hers. Never sloppy and gross and never too dry. She didn't know how he would do it. Even when his lips would look a little dry. All he would have to do was run his tongue across them and they were perfectly moist. Oh how she missed his lips on hers. But she wasn't sure she would ever feel it again. She wasn't sure she should let him ever kiss her.


	6. Chapter 6

**4 Months Later**

Kate was taking care of the kids. Every morning she got Izzy on the bus to go to school. Then she took Jason to kindergarten. After that she would spend a few hours with Gracie, just the two of them. Sometimes they would go to the park. Kate was trying to teach her how to talk, but wasn't having much luck. Then she would go and pick up Jason. Then waited for Izzy to come home so she could get her off the bus.

Gracie started clinging on to Kate more and more. James was glad that the kids had someone they could be with who they loved and trusted. He trusted her. He was beginning to miss Juliet less. He would never get over it, but he wasn't constantly thinking about it.

Kate pushing Gracie in the stroller. They were walking through the park. Jason was walking next to her, keeping his hand on the handle of the stroller.

"Katie?" Jason asked. "Can we go to the park?"

"We are at the park," she chuckled.

"I mean the playground!" he exclaimed.

"Ooh!" Kate answered. "Sure. Let's go."

"Race you!" he said. He started running. Kate walked quicker, but she couldn't run with the stroller. When they got to the playground Jason immediately ran to the slide. He ran all over the playground while Kate watched. Gracie started whining, so Kate picked her up, and sat with her. There was a man sitting near her. She smiled at him, but at the same time she wondered what he was doing sitting in the park watching little kids play. He didn't seem to have a child with him. But then she saw that he was wearing a name badge on his belt. It was a hospital ID card. He was a doctor. She knew the hospital was close. He must just be on a break.

"She's beautiful," the man told Kate.

"Yeah, she is," Kate smiled again and looked down at Gracie.

"She looks just like you," he replied.

"Oh," Kate chuckled. "She's not mine. I'm just the nanny."

"Oh," the doctor said turning red.

"It's ok," Kate replied. "Do you want to go on the swings Gracie?"

She nodded. Kate stood up and left him sitting on the bench. She carried Gracie over to the swings and put her in the baby swing. She started pushing her gently. Gracie looked up at Kate and smiled widely. Kate smiled back and pushed her slightly higher.

"Katie, can you push me?" Jason exclaimed coming over and sitting on a swing next to her. Kate pushed both kids. After only 15 minutes Kate was getting tired of pushing both of them. She saw the man coming toward them, and got slightly nervous. She stopped Jason's swing and put her hand on his shoulder. 

"Hey," Jack began. "I won't hurt you. Don't worry. I just wondered if you wanted help pushing them. I have some time."

Kate chewed on her lip trying to make the right decision. James probably wouldn't like a total stranger playing with his kids, but on the other hand this guy seemed perfectly nice.

"Yeah!" Jason exclaimed. "I want to go higher Kate!"

"I should probably introduce myself first," the man smiled. "I'm Jack."

"Kate," she answered sticking out her hand. He stayed for longer than Kate anticipated. Kate and Jack talked as they pushed the kids. Jason, at one point got up and went to play with a kid he seemed to know. Kate sat down on the bench next to the swings and looked at Jack.

"Don't you need to get back to the hospital?"

"I'm being-" he sighed. "I'm sorry. You're right, I should go."

"N-no," Kate shook her head. "That's not what I meant. I just-don't you have a job? At the hospital. I've really enjoyed this last hour or so, but-"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I should go. But um-first…do you think I could take you out sometime?"

"When?" she asked. 

"How about tomorrow?" he smiled. She couldn't help but feel an attraction to the friendly stranger, but at the same time she was nervous. She still had feelings for Jimmy. She didn't know what it would mean if she went on date with another guy. It was just a date after all. It wasn't as if he was proposing marriage. Besides, she didn't even know when James would be ready anyway. She finally nodded and smiled at him.

"Sure," she whispered.

"I'll be at your place at 7," he said. He left and kept looking back to make sure she was still sitting on the bench. They stayed at the park most of the day, and then started walking home.

"Kate my feet hurt!" Jason whined. "Can you carry me?" Kate looked at him and frowned.

"Well, I'm pushing the stroller, I don't think I can-" she began and then looked at his sad face. She frowned and picked him up. She was able to maneuver herself so she could carry Jason and push the stroller. Jason wrapped his arms around Kate tightly.

"I love you Katie," he said. She stopped pushing the stroller and looked at him. She ran her hand down his cheek and he looked at her and hugged her again. Hearing him say it. She was reminded of the last time that Jimmy had told her he loved her.

"I love you too Ji-Jason," she told the little boy.

Later that night after the kids were in bed, Kate and James were watching TV. Kate kept wanting to tell him what had happened with Jason, but he seemed to be too enthralled with watching COPS. When the commercial came, Kate opened her mouth to say something, but he got up and went into the kitchen.

"Do you want anything?" he called.

"No thanks," she answered. He came back and sat down next to her.

"Freckles," he said softly. "Do you know how much you mean to me? To all of us?"

"N-I dunno," she shrugged.

"Jase told me," he whispered. "He told me about what he said to you today."

"About the I love you thing?" she asked. "Yeah…I've been looking for a reason to bring that up. God…I don't think I could have felt better and more guilty at the same time."

"Why?" he asked. "What do you have to feel guilty about? He said it to you because it's true. He's a five year old…he hasn't learned the art of lying to a gorgeous woman."

"I felt guilty because of Juliet," she sighed. "I mean…he'll never have his mother again. And he never will. I'm not his mom…I'm not even his step mom. I'm-I'm just the nanny."

"Freckles, you are not_ just _the nanny," he answered. He leaned forward and put his hand against the back of her head. He ran his hand down her hair. She looked down and then moved away, but immediately moved back toward his touch and away again. Hesitating. Always hesitating. Not wanting to give into it.

"James we can't-" she began and he leaned toward her. She quickly backed away and stood up. "Jimmy!"

"Why can't we?" he asked. "Last time I checked we were both of legal age of consent. We can do whatever the hell we want."

"Maybe so," she nodded. "But we can't. I wish…I wish we could be what we were before I left. No reservations or responsibilities. Just Jimmy and Katie, being silly teenagers. But we can't."

"Sure we can," he whispered. "Why couldn't we-"

"Because you have responsibilities James!" she exclaimed. "You have a responsibility to your kids…and to your wife!"

"She's gone Freckles," he mumbled. "And she ain't never coming back."

"I can't put that on my shoulders," she said. "And I can't let myself get attached just to get my heart broken. You'll regret it."

"I could never regret anything," he answered. He stood up and stepped toward her. She shook her head again, but didn't walk away. He took her hands. He linked their fingers and pulled her toward him. This time he seemed to be hesitating slightly. He leaned forward. She turned her cheek and his lips brushed against her cheek, only slightly. "Katie-"

"We can't," she shook her head. "It's too soon. And not only that but I work for you. You pay me to take care of your kids. It's weird-"

"No it's not," he interrupted. "Freckles, we used to-"

"Which makes it even weirder," she answered. "I'm not going to do that. And if it doesn't work out? What then? Then I'm out of a boyfriend and a job. No. You need to learn how to take no as the first answer."

"If I did that, then nothing in my life would ever be what it is," he replied.

"I'm going to bed," she responded. "Goodnight."

She went into her room and shut and locked the door. She wasn't sure why she didn't tell him about her date. She knew she would have to tell him before 7 o'clock the next day, but she was going to wait. She didn't want to start a fight. She wouldn't go to the door the rest of the night. She got ready for bed. She was just getting into the bed when she heard a knock at the door. She sighed deeply and opened the door quickly.

"What?" she scoffed.

"Katie?" Izzy asked with a frown.

"Oh," she sighed. "Hey honey. Sorry. What's up?"

"I had a bad dream and daddy's not in his room, plus Gracie's crying," she answered. "Kate my daddys' gone!" Kate furrowed her eyebrows. She hugged Izzy and took her hand.

"Let's get you back to bed," she whispered. "Come on."

When Kate went up the stairs she could hear Gracie crying loudly. She went into her room and picked her up out of the crib. She carried her into Izzy's room and sat down on the bed. Izzy got under the covers and looked at Kate.

"Where did my daddy go?" she asked. "I'm scared Kate."

"I dunno sweetie," Kate shrugged. "He was in the living room last I checked. Don't you worry. He'll come back, he wouldn't leave you."

"Will you stay till I fall to sleep again?" Izzy asked.

"Of course," she whispered. She kissed Izzy on the forehead and stood up off the bed. She sat down in a chair across the room and held Gracie. Gracie was holding on to Kate. She looked up at her and smiled.

"Katie," Gracie said softly. Kate smiled again and kissed her on the forehead. Before too long, Kate heard Izzy's sleeping breaths. She got up carefully and left the room. She went into Gracie's room and put her into the crib.

"Night Gracie," Kate said. She went down the stairs and bumped into James on the way. He smirked at her and wrapped his arms around her. Kate quickly smacked his chest and pushed him down.

"What the hell were you thinking!" Kate exclaimed softly. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into her bedroom. She shut the door and looked at him with her arms crossed.

"What's your problem?" he scoffed.

"Izzy came down here scared to death because you weren't here," she answered. "Where did you go?"

"I was outside," he responded. He leaned forward and she looked at him.

"Since when do you smoke?" she asked.

"You can smell it?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah," she replied. "You smell like an ashtray."

"Damn," he said. "I thought I-"

"Since when do you smoke!" she repeated.

"On and off…when I'm stressed out," he relied. "And I used to smoke all the time when we were-"

"I know," she nodded. "It was-never mind."

"What?" he asked. "Come on Kate. Tell me."

"I can't," she shook her head. "Because if I do-"

"You still can't resist me," he smirked. "I used to have that affect on you. You always wanted me."

"It reminds me," she began gasping slightly. "You used to smell like cigarettes and cologne. The smell was intoxicating."

"Let me kiss you," he whispered. She shook her head. He nodded, knowing that she wasn't going to give in. Not this time. He squeezed her hand and then left her room, closing the door behind him. Kate let out another sharp breath. She got into her bed and closed her eyes.

_He was on top of her. His breath on her neck. She moved under him so that she could look into his eyes. He looked at her with the love that he always had. She knew she was loved. _

"_I missed you Katie," he whispered into her ear. "I missed this so much." "Me too," she answered with a shaky voice. He kissed her deeply. She kissed him back and put her hand on the back of his neck. He touched her the way she always remembered it. _

The next morning Kate remembered her dream as if it really did happen. She almost thought it did, but she knew in her heart that it hadn't. She went into the kitchen. None of the kids were up. Sawyer wasn't even up. She sighed and went up the stairs. She went into Izzy's room first. She sat down on the bed.

"Izzy," she said softly and gently. "Hon, wake up."

She rubbed her eyes and woke up slowly. She looked at Kate and yawned.

"Just five more minutes mom, I mean Kate," she stated. Then quickly sat up and gasped. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry Kate!"

"Shh," Kate shook her head. "It's ok. Just get ready for school. I'm gonna take you today, ok?"

"OK," Izzy nodded. She looked at Kate and frowned.

"Honey, it's ok," she said again.

"Mommy wouldn't like it," she frowned.

"She would understand though," Kate said. "Y'know what I used to do all the time? I called my teachers mom."

Izzy giggled and covered her mouth. Kate smiled at her and left the bedroom. She walked into Jason's room. Jason was half off his bed. Kate chuckled and walked toward him. She lifted him carefully back onto the bed. He woke up and wrapped his arms around her.

"N-Jason," she protested. "You need to get ready for school."

"I don't wanna go," he whined. "I want to stay here and play with you and Gracie."

"Well," she sighed. "I don't blame you, but you gotta go learn at kindergarten, and you're gonna see all your friends."

"Will you make me some breakfast?" he asked.

"Sure!" she exclaimed.

Last of all she went into Gracie's room. Gracie was already awake. She was whining softly. Kate picked her up and smiled at her. Gracie put her head against Kate's shoulder. She put her thumb in her mouth.

"Did you sleep good?" Kate asked.

"Yeah," she replied with her thumb still in her mouth making it slightly hard for Kate to understand. When she went back into the hallway she noticed that James' door was open. She walked toward the door. He was gone. Gone again. She sighed and went down stairs.

They were sitting at the breakfast table. Kate was listening to Izzy and Jason argue over what Kate should make them for breakfast. She looked over at Gracie who was whining. Kate picked her up and held her on her lap, which immediately calmed the toddler. Suddenly the door opened and James came into the house. He put two bags of take-out on the table and looked at the kids.

"I got us breakfast," he said. Both of the older kids dug into the bags. Kate set Gracie down and looked at James.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked. He followed her into the hallway where they were out of the earshot of the kids. "What are you doing? You can't keep disappearing like this James!"

"I went to get them food," he answered calmly. "Come on-let me-let me kiss you."

"I met someone," she said, before he could lean forward to kiss her. "Ok…well I don't want to say exactly that I've met someone. I just-I have a date tonight. And I really want to see where it could go. I have to get over you somehow."

"Ok, so let me get this straight," he began. "You want me…and I want you. But somehow you have a desire to get over me and move on with some other guy? Kate! How could you make a date without telling me?"

"How could you leave me in the house with 3 kids without telling me?" she exclaimed. "I can't keep waking up or going upstairs to find you gone!"

"Whatever," he scoffed. "Do whatever you want."

That night Kate was getting ready. She felt somewhat silly. When she came out into the kitchen, Izzy was sitting at the table waiting for her. She was wearing a short red dress. She had already changed 3 times. But she wouldn't have time to change now. It was 5 minutes before Jack was supposed to be there.

"Wow!" Izzy exclaimed. "Katie you look like a princess!"

"Aw, thank you hon," Kate smiled. She sat down carefully next to Izzy. Her skirt was short. She didn't want to flash her underwear, which happened to just be a skimpy thong. James appeared in the doorway. He looked at her and smirked.

"You look beautiful," he told her. "Can I ask you somethin'. In private?"

Izzy looked at her dad and then sighed. She ran up the stairs. James came and sat down next to her. He looked at her, but didn't say anything. He looked her up and down. She was showing some cleavage, but it didn't look trampy. Then he looked at her legs which were bare.

"He's gonna be here soon," Kate whispered. "What is it?"

"Don't go," he said softly. "Please Katie. Don't-"

"Why not?" she asked. "Jimmy…it's just a date. It's only a date. A few hours for me to stop thinking about everything. Just…I'm gonna go and have fun and then I'm going to come home. I'll be home soon. You're like a child."

"See ya when you get home Freckles," he said, flashing her a smile that melted her heart.

The doorbell rang in the nick of time. Kate went outside and shut the door behind her. Jack chuckled at her and eyed her.

"Wow," he said softly.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Let's go."

"You're not gonna invite me in?" he asked.

"No," she said. "But if you play your cards right, maybe at the end of the night."

The date went better than Kate could ever imagine. He asked all the right questions to get to know her, but not prying into her personal life. He kept interested in everything she said.

"So," Kate smiled. "Enough about me…what are you all about?"

"To be honest Kate," he chuckled. "I'm kind of boring. I live my life at the hospital. I gotta warn ya…I sort of suck at relationships. Never really can hold on to anyone amazing. I just hope I don't fuck this up."

"How romantic," she smiled.

The drive back to the house was mostly quiet. They kept looking at each other though. Kate noticed that he wasn't exactly trying to make eye contact. He walked her to the door. This time he looked into her eyes. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"Do you kiss on the first date?" he asked. She nodded and he leaned forward to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around him to pull him closer. He kissed her deeply and she turned around and pushed him against the door.

"Come inside," she whispered. She opened the door and pushed him inside. He smiled at her. She lead him toward her bedroom. "Shh…you have to be quiet, the kids are sleeping."

She had to chuckle at herself. She felt like she was sneaking in after breaking curfew. It was true that James didn't really have any control over her. She was a grown up and could do whatever she wanted and stay out till as late as she wanted, but even with that, she didn't want to wake up the kids. They landed on the bed with a soft thud. Kate kissed him hard. He was on top of her. She looked up at him a took a deep breath.

"I don't usually do this," she breathed.

"Well that's a good thing," he smiled. She shook her head. He leaned back down to kiss her, but there was a knock on the door. Kate sighed deeply.

"This better be important," she mumbled. "I'm sorry. I'll-"

"Go ahead," he said sitting up. Kate went to the door. James stood in front of her looking exhausted. He looked at Kate through slits in his eyes.

"Sorry, did we wake you?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Baby's cryin'. She's asking for you. She wants a kiss from Katie."

Suddenly James came out of his half sleep and opened his eyes to see Jack sitting in Kate's bedroom.

"Mother fucker," he said.

"James!" she exclaimed.

"This is the asshole that-you killed my wife!" he exclaimed back.

**A/N: Pleaase review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Kate couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. What did he mean? Of course she knew what he meant, but she didn't want to believe it. She looked behind her at Jack. Jack got up off the bed and sighed deeply.

"James, I didn't-"

"Don't!" James exclaimed. "Get out of my house! How could you do this to me Kate?"

"How was I supposed-" she began.

"You let this Jackass come near my kids!" he yelled. "In fact, you leave too!"

"No!" she exclaimed. She could hear Gracie's crying getting louder. She looked back at Jack and shook her head. "You played me. This was all-God, how could I be so stupid-"

"I didn't play you," Jack scoffed. "I really-"

"You should leave," she interrupted. He frowned, but left the house. Kate looked at James who looked like he might punch the wall. She went up the stairs and into Gracie's room. Gracie held her arms up to Kate and whined for her to pick her up. Kate walked toward her and took her out of the crib. She kissed Gracie on the forehead and sighed softly.

"It's ok," Kate whispered. James came into the bedroom and looked at her. At first his lips were pursed into an angry face, which almost scared her, but then he relaxed his face and looked like he might cry. She put Gracie down and walked toward him.

"I swear-" she began.

"I know," he nodded. "You didn't know…how could you have known?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I never would have-if I would have known, I never would have-"

"I know," he replied.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

She was almost in tears herself. She went down the stairs quickly. James started following her, but when she got to the bottom of the steps she went into her bedroom and closed the door, practically slamming it in his face. She put her hands to her face and stifled a sob. She let herself get hurt. She started blaming herself, but then shook her head and pushed those thoughts from her mind. Jack had been the one to trick her. He knew who the children were. He probably even knew who Gracie was. He just tricked her to get close. She wasn't sure what his angle was. Why would he do that? Why would he lie to her?

She felt guilty about James. It was her fault. And now James had to drag up all those feelings about Juliet. As bad as she felt, she could tell why Juliet would want to be with Jack too. Jack was charming. Maybe just as charming as James. He knew exactly what to say at the exact right moment. But at the same time, she had 3 kids with James. Kate got into bed fighting with her own feelings. She couldn't help but still feel something for Jack. After all he had spent the night complimenting her and flattering her, but maybe that was all part of the plan. Maybe he was just pretending to be attracted to her. She couldn't fall asleep, but when she did, she had strange dreams.

_She was with James. They were making out on the couch, but he wasn't even touching her. Just his lips on hers. His tongue slipping into her mouth. But then his hands were on her legs. When she opened her eyes, it wasn't James anymore. It was Jack. _

"_I'm not sorry," he whispered._

Kate opened her eyes in the morning. Her head hurt from not getting enough sleep. She slid out of the bed and went into the kitchen. James was making breakfast. He didn't turn around to look at Kate. In fact he pretty much ignored her till he left for work. He looked at her before he left the house.

"I'll be home late," he told her. And with that he was out of the door. Kate heard his car departing and tires crunching on the gravel driveway.

Kate spent the day with the kids. She didn't feel like doing anything with them. She felt too upset about the past 24 hour's events. Jason knew something was wrong, but he didn't ask her anything. Then the phone rang. Kate picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Don't hang up," it was Jack's voice. Something in her kept her on the line.

"What do you want?" she scoffed. "Do you know how much of an idiot I feel like? I mean…James is-"

"I knew," he replied. "I knew that those kids were Juliet's."

"Yeah," she answered. "I kinda figured. So then why the hell would you string me along? You knew I'd eventually find out who you were!"

"It wasn't about stringing you along Kate," he sighed. "At first…yeah…I wanted to spend time with the kids-"

"That's creepy!" she exclaimed.

"No!" he yelled back. "Not because-I just felt like it was the only way I could ever be close to Juliet again. Believe it or not Kate, but she actually did tell me she loved me. I believe with all my heart that she did love me…but she wouldn't hurt her husband."

"So then why?" she asked. "Why did you want to spend any time with me? What was in it for you?"

"Because the more I talked to you," he began. "The more I wanted to know. I just wanted to get to know you. And I fell for you. I won't say that it's love. I don't believe in that love at first sight crap, but I do want to get to know more about you."

"Well you blew it," she shook her head. "I mean…do you really expect me to-"

"I don't expect anything from you," he interrupted. "I just know that last night…well before we got caught…it was one of the best nights I've had in a really long time. And you can't tell me that you didn't have a good time, because I know you did."

"I did," she whispered. "But you know that I can't keep seeing you. This isn't right. And besides that, every time we-if we were to-I'd just be worried that you were thinking about her."

"What about him?" he asked. "Don't you worry about that with James?"

"I'm not with James," she replied. "So that's not an issue."

"Kate, I don't want to sound desperate, but do you honestly want to just stop seeing me because of this-" he began.

"You can't be serious!" she exclaimed. "You lied to me!"

"I know," he whispered. "I should have told you the truth from the beginning. And maybe it did start out being about Juliet, but Kate, you were the one I was with last night, and you're the one I can't stop thinking about. So please. Believe me…I really like you. I want to keep seeing you. I'll understand if you don't want to, but I'm not going to let you get away very easily."

"So are you saying if I say no you're just going to start stalking me, like you stalked Juliet?" she asked.

"Stalked?" he exclaimed. "I wasn't-"

Then he stopped. He was breathing deeply. He wasn't saying anything else. Kate looked at the phone. She almost thought that they had lost the call.

"Jack?" she asked.

"I wasn't stalking her Kate," he answered. "That's just what James wants to believe. That's just what Juliet wanted him to believe."

"Why would she-" Kate began.

"We were still seeing each other," he replied. "After she ended it, she…she told me that she couldn't stop seeing me. She was in love with me. But she didn't want to leave her family. So we-the night she died. I was following her. I wasn't chasing her. Her accelerator was sticking. She veered off the road. It wasn't me. It wasn't my fault. Do you think if it was really my fault I'd even be here. I'd be in jail, or at the very least I would have left town. And if I was truly stalking her, she would have filed charges. It was just easier for James to believe that."

Kate didn't want to believe what she was hearing. It was easier for her to believe the stalking thing too. But what Jack said made sense. All of it. She didn't want to hurt James for anything, but she did feel a strong connection to Jack. She couldn't keep seeing him, but part of her wanted to. It would be forbidden, which somehow made it even better. The thought of seeing Jack behind James' back didn't set right with her. She would have to tell him if she decided to see him again.

"I have to think about it," she whispered softly.

"Don't let him talk you out of it," Jack said. "I felt a connection, and you know damn well that you did too."

He hung up the phone, leaving Kate to ponder what had just happened. She would really have to think about this. It was true…she did feel something for Jack, or this wouldn't hurt so much. But the thought of James being mad at her made her stomach churn.

James wasn't lying. He came home late. Kate fed the kids and put them to bed by herself, which wasn't easy, because Jason and Izzy didn't want to go to bed without saying goodnight to their dad. She went downstairs to wait for him.

When he came home, he stumbled slightly through the door. Kate sighed and got up. She put her hands on his chest to steady him. He looked at her and leaned down to kiss her. She moved out of the way and he kissed her cheek.

"Freckles," he whispered into her ear. "Can-will you please-stay away from him?"

"James," she sighed and looked at him. She ran her hand over his cheek and he pulled her toward him to kiss her. She pushed him away at first, but he was stronger. He kissed her on the mouth. She still struggled slightly, but then gave in and kissed him back, just as intensely. Then she backed away quickly and looked at him.

"You drunk?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" he asked. She opened her mouth to say something. But instead of speaking, James put his mouth against hers. She wanted him to stop, but she couldn't tell him. She didn't want to tell him. She let him kiss her. He pushed her into her bedroom. She shut the door with her foot and they made their way to the bed. Kate backed away long enough to take a deep breath. She looked up at him and he ran his hand down her cheek. She kissed him and closed her eyes.

"Freckles," he whispered softly. "Look at me. Look at me."

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I want to be friends with you," he said.

"What?" she asked. She flipped them over so they were laying on their sides. Kate waited for him to answer. "What do you mean you want to be friends? What are you-"

"We'll never be friends," he told her.

"Jim-" she began.

"Will we?" he asked. "I mean, will we ever truly be friends?"

"We are friends James," she said.

"No," he shook his head. "I tried. I tried so hard not to feel anything. I mean after all my wife just died. What kind of person would I be? But we're not friends Katie. You and I will always remember what we used to have-"

"Used to James," she replied. "We aren't lovers anymore."

"Ok, but every time I see you," he began. "When I see you taking care of Gracie, or tucking Izzy into bed. Or even sitting alone at the kitchen table with a cup of tea…all I can think about-is being with you. Tell me you don't feel the same and I'll leave."

She didn't say anything at first. He started getting up, but since he was further from the door than her he had to go around the bed. Before he got all the way around the bed, Kate scrambled toward him and grabbed his arm. He silently leaned forward and kissed her. She leaned back down on the bed and he rolled on top of her. She moaned softly and pulled her shirt off quickly. He took her arms to slow her down.

"Do you want to?" she whispered. He pushed against her harder. She could tell that he wanted to. She kissed him harder and tasted the alcohol on his tongue. It wasn't too strong, but she felt lightheaded from the kissing. She moved her mouth to his neck. She couldn't believe this was happening. She had waited for this moment. Practically since the moment she had left 15 years ago. He trailed kisses down her neck and down her stomach. He got to her jeans and unzipped them. He looked at her with a mischievous smile. She pressed her lips together and then bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself from moaning again. He peeled her jeans down and started kissing softly. He went to her underwear, both of them anticipating.

Then there was a loud knock on the door.

"Katie!" it was Jason. "Katie I had a bad dream! Is my daddy home yet! Katie!"

"Shit," Kate whispered softly. She hopped out of the bed and pulled her shirt back down over her stomach, but didn't bother with the pants. She opened the door only enough to leave the room. She picked up Jason and held him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I had a bad dream," he frowned. She took him into the kitchen instead of upstairs, certain that James would be able to sneak out of her room and pretend to come down the stairs. Kate made Jason a warm glass of milk and put it down in front of him.

"It's just a dream," she said softly. "What'd you dream about?"

"Momsters!" he exclaimed loudly.

"Shh," she said. "Don't wake up your sisters."

James appeared in the doorway and walked toward Jason.

"Hey buddy," James said. "What's goin' on?"

"I had a bad dream," Jason answered. "I wanted to come see Kate."

"Why didn't you come to my room, I was there all along?" James asked.

"Because Kate makes me warm milk," he replied. Kate ran her hand down Jason's hair. She looked at James. She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to do. Should they continue this? What would it do to the kids? And what if it didn't work out? And what about Jack? She had a million things running through her mind. She took Jason up to bed. James stayed downstairs. Kate knew he would go to her room and be there when she got back down.

When she went into her room, James was sitting on the bed, waiting.

"James I-" Kate began.

"Me first," he interrupted. "I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you. I wish I would have followed you. And my kids adore you…even more than they adore me sometimes, so you can't leave."

"Why would I leave?" she asked.

"I just thought-" he started.

"James, I'm not going anywhere," she answered. "But we can't do this. You have to go. You need to go upstairs to bed. I mean what if Gracie-"

"This isn't over yet Kate Austen," he said. "I'm not just going to give up. I can't. Did you even hear what I just said? It isn't very often that I express my undying love for someone."

"I heard you," she whispered. "And even part of me feels the same exact way, but your kids are more important. They're more important than some-I dunno nights of sex. And I know…you said you loved me, but-what happens if Izzy doesn't like us together, or if Jason starts asking questions about why we're sharing a bedroom. It's just too complicated right now James. You know that as well as I do."

"Then when is it ok for us to be together?" he asked. "After the kids are all out of the house? In 18 years? I can't wait 18 years to be with you Katie. I already had to wait 15."

"I don't know," she whispered. "I just-I just think that it's a really bad idea. I mean, what happens when we're in here under the covers and one of the kids needs something. Maybe we should talk to them about it before we do anything."

"I'm not asking my kids for permission to have sex," he told her.

"You don't get it," she sighed.

"Maybe I don't," he answered. "What do you mean we should talk to them?"

"Don't you think we should at least warn them!" she exclaimed. "I mean…Izzy will know what's going on. She's not going to like it. Plus I-I still don't know-Jack…he-"

"You're still going to see him?" James exclaimed.

"I didn't say that," she shook her head.

"How could you do this to me?" he asked. "You know what he did-"

"He sort of had a different story Jimmy," she answered.

"So you'll believe him over me?" he asked.

"No," she sighed. "I don't know. I think that you're-you might have it all wrong. And besides he told me that he really did like me. He wasn't just using me."

"Believe what you want," he scoffed. "But when he breaks your heart don't come crawling to my bed."

He left her bedroom and slammed the door. She jumped and closed her eyes. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. She felt a certain loyalty to James, but there was something about what Jack said. She knew he had a point. She didn't know who to believe. Should she believe her lifelong friend? Or should she believe this mysterious stranger? James would never forgive her if she continued to see Jack. But she couldn't help but feel a certain pull toward him. He was someone she could see herself being really good friends with at the very least. Part of her really wanted to see where else it could go. But not if he was a liar. Not if what James was saying was true. She would have no way of really knowing unless she let herself get closer to Jack.

She missed James. She missed everything they had. Everything they used to be. She knew that he missed her too. But then there was the kids to think about. She loved them as if they were her own. She wouldn't want to hurt them, and she wasn't sure how either of them would feel about her and James together. So she would keep her distance. Maybe until she was driven crazy.


	8. Chapter 8

**2 Weeks Later**

Living with James was becoming more and more awkward. He avoided her in the house. When he left in the mornings he kissed the kids and then left the house, sometimes mumbling something to Kate about when he'd be home. She hadn't talked to Jack either. He had texted her a couple times, but she hadn't responded.

Kate was at the grocery store with all three kids. She was waiting at the checkout line. Gracie was starting to get crabby. The cashier was talking to all the kids trying to interact and being extra friendly. Kate was grateful since she was still busy putting everything up on the conveyor belt. She wasn't paying much attention.

"Uh Ma'am!" the cashier exclaimed. "Your little boy, he's-"

Kate looked up and saw Jason running toward the bathrooms several feet in front of them. Kate ran after him. He started going into the women's room at first, but then he made a sharp turn and ran into the men's.

"Jason!" Kate exclaimed. He suck his tongue out and laughed. Then he went into the bathroom again. Kate took a sharp breath and started into the bathroom. "Jason Ford, you better get back here!"

She could hear him giggling but he refused to come out. She breathed in again and looked back at the cashier.

"I'll be right back," she said. The cashier looked more than happy to look after the two other kids. Kate started in to the bathroom and then paused. "Woman coming into the Men's room after a five year old, who is going to be in deep trouble!"

She went into the bathroom. There were a few men in the bathroom. Kate turned pink and then found Jason in the corner. She picked him up and looked at him sternly. He started crying immediately. She started walking out of the bathroom.

"Kate?" he said her name and she froze. She turned around and looked at Jack. "What are you doing in here?"

"What's it look like?" she half scoffed and left the bathroom.

"Kate wait!" he exclaimed. She went back to the register to pay. She set Jason down and scowled at him.

"You stay right there!" she exclaimed. Jason continued to wail. Izzy tried to calm him down, but it only seemed to make things worse. Kate sighed and looked at the cashier. "I'm sorry. How much do I owe you?"

"57 dollars and 40 cents," the cashier said. Kate got her wallet out and started counting the money that she had gotten from James. She looked down at Jason who was still whimpering softly, but not crying so hard anymore.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered. "You can't run away from me buddy."

"Sorry Katie," he frowned. She nodded and ran her hand over his head. She looked up and saw that Jack had followed her and was looking at the kids. Izzy and Jason both looked at him intently as he came after Kate.

"Jack, I'm busy," she said. "I need to get the kids home to make dinner."

"Please, just-why haven't you been answering my texts?" he asked.

"It's complicated," she replied. "Please. Leave me alone."

* * *

James came home from work and looked at the kids, but didn't say anything to Kate, who was a few feet away getting dinner ready. He looked at the kids and pulled Jason on to his lap.

"Did you guys have a good day?" he asked. Izzy nodded and chuckled.

"Jason when into the bathroom and Kate had to follow him," she laughed. "Then a man came and wanted Kate to talk to him."

"What?" he asked.

"Jack was there," Kate murmured, not entirely sure how to talk to James since he wasn't making it very easy. James put Jason down and went up stairs without saying another word. Kate sighed and looked up the stairs. She started toward them and then turned back to look at the kids.

"You guys stay down here," she said. "I'll be right back. I'm gonna go talk to your dad."

"Is daddy mad at you?" Izzy asked.

"A little," Kate nodded. "But everything will be ok."

"Ok," she frowned. Kate went up the stairs quickly and knocked on his bedroom door.

"Go away," he said. She opened the door, surprised that it was unlocked. She looked at him and shook her head.

"You can't stay mad at me forever," she replied.

"Don't you have a boyfriend to tend to?" he asked.

"I haven't even spoken to Jack since-" she began and then sighed deeply. "Ok, I talked to him today, but I haven't spoken to him since that night. He's been texting me and I've been ignoring him, so believe what you want. Now it's late and I'm hungry so are you gonna come back down stairs or not?"

He shook his head and Kate scoffed.

"You're not gonna come down and eat dinner with your kids?"

"Yeah," he murmured. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Listen," she shook her head. "We can't do this. We can't be mad at each other. Izzy is noticing. And soon so will Jason. So please, can't you just-forgive me?"

"Are you going to get together with Jack?" he asked.

"I don't know," she sighed. "He's sent me a couple of texts, but I haven't answered him. If it makes you feel any better-"

"I want to be with you," he whispered. She felt shivers run up and down her spine. He stepped toward her and put his hands on her waist. She let out a soft breath and looked at him. He leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned her face.

"Fine. I can take a hint."

"Really?" she asked. "Seems to me like you really can't. But can we at least stop having all this tension?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'm tired of pretending you aren't there."

"Good," she replied with a slight smile. "Let's go eat."

After dinner, Kate went into her room to read. James was spending time with the kids, just the four of them. Kate stayed in her room for almost an hour, but then she heard muffled music and laughter coming from the living room. She tiptoed into the living room and stood in the doorway. James was dancing around the living room with Izzy. He bent down and picked up Gracie. Gracie laughed and James started spinning faster and faster. Kate smiled at them and walked into the living room.

"Kate's turn!" Jason exclaimed. "Daddy you should dance with Kate."

"No, I-" she began, but James, put Gracie down and grabbed Kate's wrist. He pulled her toward him and they started dancing. Jason and Gracie were both laughing. Izzy was watching intently. Then the song changed to something slower. James pulled her closer and rested his hand on her lower back. Kate looked at him in the eyes. She cocked her head to one side, but stayed locked on his eyes.

"No!" Izzy exclaimed loudly, making both of them jump and back away quickly. Izzy ran up the stairs and they heard the door slam. Kate looked at James and pressed her lips together.

"I'll go talk to her," she whispered.

"No," he shook his head. "I should."

He went up the stairs slowly. He went into Izzy's room without knocking. She was laying on the bed with her face in her pillow. He sat down on the bed next to her and put his hand on her back. She quickly hit his hand away.

"Leave me alone!" she sobbed.

"Honey," he sighed. "What's the matter?"

"You used to dance like that with mommy," she replied turning over and frowning at him. She looked so sad it broke his heart. He closed his eyes and sighed softly. He lifted her up into his arms and hugged her.

"I know," he whispered. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-I didn't think."

"Do you love Kate?" she asked with a frown.

"I don't-" he began.

"And you always tell me not to lie," she answered smartly. "Don't lie to me daddy."

"I don't know how to answer that Iz," he told her. "I loved your mother more than anything. Kate was my-my girlfriend a long time ago, but she's not anymore."

"Do you love her still?" Izzy asked.

"Yeah," he whispered. "I do, hon. But I know that makes you sad, so you don't have to worry. Me and Kate…we're just gonna stay friends. She's just gonna be the nanny."

"I like Kate, but I don't want a new mom," she answered.

"Kate's not going to be your mom," he shook his head.

"I miss her," Izzy said.

"Me too," he stated. "Ok…you ready to go back downstairs. Get some ice cream?"

"Yeah," she nodded. She ran out of the room and down the stairs. James went slowly. He went into the hallway and found Kate waiting. She smiled weakly and he touched her face.

"Did you hea-" he began.

"All of it," she whispered. He looked at her and shook his head.

"You were right all along Freckles," he said. "How can we ever be together? My kids-Izzy…she means more to me than anything else. And if-she's never going to want us together. So…I guess we'll just have to give each other up."

"Before that happens-" she began. She looked at him and put her hand on the back of his neck. She pulled him toward her and kissed him softly. He kissed her back and then stopped and looked at her. "Leaving, was the worst mistake of my life Jimmy."

He looked at her and shook his head.

"I knew," he whispered.

"You knew what?" she asked.

"Juliet was still…" he began. "She and Jack were still together. But all that…I couldn't very well be mad at her when she died. She was dead. I had to blame it on someone. It was easier to blame it on him."

"Don't worry," she said. "I'm not going to date him. At least not right now. I still have to get over you. I knew it wasn't even a good idea to go on a date with him in the first place, because all I could think of was you."

"Freckles," he whispered. He stepped toward her and then shook his head slowly. "Maybe some day…I can convince Izzy that you and I wouldn't be so bad. At least I know you love my kids."

"I do," she nodded.

"Ok, I'm gonna go before I feel the urge to kiss you again," he answered. He quickly left and went down the stairs. She watched him and then followed him. As she followed him her phone chirped. He turned his head slightly, noticing the sound, but not exactly paying attention.

_Last one, _the text said. _And I'll leave you alone_.

Kate closed the phone and bit her lip. She knew that she shouldn't. She had just told James that she wasn't over him. But how would she ever get over him if she never went out and did anything else with anyone. She sighed again and opened her phone again. She typed on the keyboard of her phone.

_How are you? _she started, and then erased it. That just sounded lame. She started again. _Hey, what's up? _That sounded lame too but it was too late and she hit the send button. She got down the stairs and went into the kitchen with James. The kids were already at the kitchen table waiting for the ice cream. James was scooping the bowls. Kate's phone chirped again. _What are you wearing?_ Kate couldn't help but let out a chuckle. _Wouldn't you like to know?_ She knew she was acting like a silly high school girl, but she didn't really care.

"Who are you talking to?" James asked, without really needing to.

"Just a friend," Kate answered, knowing that he already knew, but not wanting to actually say it out loud. She continued to text Jack at the table. She knew she shouldn't. She knew it was rude, but she couldn't help herself.

"Are you going out tonight?" he murmured.

"Not tonight," she shook her head. They ate the rest of the ice cream in silence. Kate and James both tucked in the kids. It was a part of their night that Kate always felt like it was a "mom/dad" type thing. They never were in the same room at the same time though.

Izzy looked at Kate and hugged her.

"Honey, I'm sorry if it made you sad that I was dancing with your daddy," she whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I just thought that he loves you more than my mommy," she frowned.

"No sweetheart," Kate shook her head. "Your daddy will never love me like he loved your momma."

"Are you sure?" she asked, still frowning.

"I could never replace your mom," she told her.

"I'm glad you're here Kate," Izzy said. "I'm glad I can do girly things with you."

"Me too," Kate stated. She kissed Izzy on the nose and then on the forehead. She tucked Izzy under the covers and squeezed her tight. Then she handed Izzy her stuffed elephant that was her favorite stuffed animal. Then she went into the hallway. She sniffled softly, but wasn't crying. James stepped toward her and took her hands.

"She's right," he whispered. "It's so good you're here. You can't leave us Freckles."

"I'm not planning on it any time soon," she smiled weakly. He touched her arms. She tensed her shoulders slightly, and looked at him. "Jimmy."

"Katie," he said softly. He leaned toward her and she quickly ducked out of the way.

"I thought you said we couldn't do this," she scoffed, somewhat irritated. "I can't do this. I'm-"

"You're getting back with Jack," he stated, accusingly.

"I'm not-" she shook her head.

"It's who you were texting earlier, wasn't it?" he interrupted.

"Yeah," she nodded. "But I'm not _with _him James. Come on. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"But," he shook his head and stepped toward her again. "It's only a matter of time. He's going to sweep you off your feet. He's going to fall in love with you and want to marry you, and then you're going to leave us. You won't want to be a nanny anymore after you're married to a doctor."

"Stop it," she whispered and shook her head. "James."

She put her hands up on his cheeks and he quickly pushed her away.

"Don't," she said, trying again. "Don't push me away James. I love you, but I don't know if we can ever really find true happiness."

"What about our three kids!" he yelled. He lowered himself to the floor and put his head against his knees.

"Jimmy," she whispered. She sat down next to him and put her hand on his arm. He looked up at her and shook his head.

"It's the same thing all over again," he murmured.

_FLASHBACK_

Juliet was home late from work. It wasn't too uncommon. She would frequently stay at the hospital long after her shift was supposed to end. But this was different. This time she was later than all the other times. She came in the door, and he knew. He had already put the kids to bed by himself.

"I'm gonna go up and say goodnight," she said.

"Who were you with?" he asked. "Were you with him?"

"James," she whispered. "I'm not-"

"It's only gonna be a matter of time Jules," he shook his head. "He'll take you away from me. You'll fall in love with him and leave us. You won't need me."

"I don't deserve you," she whispered. "You deserve someone who will love you and take care of you. Not me-"

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"W-what?" she shook her head.

"Are you happy," he repeated. "With me? Are you happy with me?"

"James," she shook her head and let out a soft sob. "Don't. Don't do this."

"Please, just tell me," he said.

"I love you so much," she sniffled.

"But?" he asked. "I mean shit Juliet, I thought we were happy. I've never-"

"No," she sobbed. "I don't know if we'll ever be happy."

"What about our kids!" he exclaimed. "Don't they make you happy!"

"Of course!" she yelled back. "Why are you being so mean to me?"

"Me?" he asked. "You're cheating on me! What do you expect! I'm just gonna say…ok, I'll let some other guy sleep with my wife? I don't think so."

"You're right," she nodded. "I'm the bad guy here, not you. You've been nothing but amazing to me. And I do love you James, I just-I feel like-I don't know if I can stay away from him."

"You better make up your mind then," he murmured.

_FLASHBACK OVER_

"I'm so sorry Jimmy," Kate shook her head.

"I refuse to lose you to him," he answered.

"Ok, but what-" she began and he leaned forward to kiss her. His lips touched hers slightly. Tiny kisses. His lips were soft, but his stubbly cheek was rough against hers. She ran her hand across his neck and then pushed him away. He stood up and held out his hand for her to take. She looked at him like he was crazy, but he stayed where he was, with his hand held out. He wasn't giving up. She took his hand. He pulled her up and lead her into his room.

"James," she whispered. He closed the door and stood in front of it. She walked over to the bed and sat down. "You know we can't do this."

"Why not?" he asked. "Two consenting adults. I don't care what I said earlier. I want to be the one. For once, I want to be the one that someone can't stay away from. It's so easy for you-"

"It's not easy for me James," she shook her head. "None of this has been easy for me. From the moment I came back. I knew I would have to see you again. I never anticipated that you would be married with kids. Or, well, widowed with kids. And how do you think I feel, James? You were married. With kids. You loved Juliet more than anything. So how do you think I feel? I'll never measure up to her."

"What are you talking about," he answered. "I told you earlier. I love you. I want to be with you. It's not my fault if you don't believe me. Maybe you were right. We'll never be good together."

He stepped away from the door and opened it for Kate to leave. She looked like she was about to leave, but instead she ran her hand down his arm. She closed the door again and locked it. He didn't move. He was too afraid to. She kissed his lips. At first he didn't respond, but then he kissed her back. It was soft and slow. He groaned softly. She backed away and breathed out sharply.

"Maybe-" she began, but instead, he stepped forward again and kissed her again. She stepped backward. They landed on the bed and he continued to kiss her. He stroked her hair.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked. She shook her head, almost as if she was under his spell. He smiled at her. He moved her underwear down slowly. She shook with anticipation, and some nervousness. He kissed her cheek, then moved to her neck and started sucking softly. She had always loved the way his mouth felt against her skin. He started sliding one finger into her. She gasped and didn't want to make any noise, since she was sure the kids were still awake. Before she could even finish that thought there was a knock on the door. Kate gasped again, trying to catch her breath. Kate quickly pulled her underwear on and got out of the bed. James looked at Kate to confirm that it was ok to open the door. He opened the door and Jason stood in front of them.

"What's wrong buddy?" James asked, bending down to pick him up.

"I heard noises," he frowned. "I was scared."

"Oh me and Kate were just talking," he answered. "Nothin' to be scared of."

"No, downstairs!" he exclaimed. Kate looked at James and then he quickly ran down the stairs. Kate stayed upstairs with Jason. She picked him up and he pressed his face into her neck.

"I'm scared Kate," he whispered.

"Oh," she began. "Your daddy will take care of it-"

James came back up stairs. He glared at Kate and took Jason from her arms. She had moved to sit on the bed with Jason on her lap.

"Daddy, what is it?" Jason asked.

"Kate has a visitor," James said. Kate could hear the venom in his voice. She didn't have to ask who it was. She went down the stairs. Jack was standing in the front hallway. Kate closed her eyes. She stepped toward him. He smiled at her, but she wasn't smiling back.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I wanted to see you," he answered.

"Is this your idea of "not stalking"?" he asked.

"Kate I-" he began.

"Because this isn't-" she shook her head. "Why are you here? I mean, you say you want to see me, but what's the point of coming over this late."

"Kate, the night is young," he said with a smile.

"Yeah," she nodded. "So goodnight."

"Why are you pushing me away?" he asked. "You were flirting with me all night."

"It was texting Jack, that's all," she said. "You need to leave."

"Do you-" he began.

"I want you to leave," she stated. Kate heard Gracie crying. "I have to go."

"Why don't you let him do that, he's her father, you're not even-" he stated.

"Go away," she said. She shut the door and went back up the stairs two steps at a time. James was in Gracie's room already. He was rocking back and forth getting her to stop crying.

"This was a mistake," he murmured.

"I told him to leave," Kate said. "He's not-he's not coming back. I won't let him. I'm so sorry."

"So what do you think?" he asked.

"About what?" she asked.

"Is this a mistake?" he whispered. "What we almost just did? I mean…I need to-never mind."

Gracie started reaching for Kate. She whined loudly when Kate didn't take her from James. She stepped toward him and took Gracie from him, but didn't step back away from James. She looked at him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I want you too," she said softly. "But-I just keep thinking about Izzy. I'm not her mother, and if she catches us again…if she thinks we're-she's not going to like it. I don't want her to end up hating me just because I want to be with you."

"She won't hate you," he told her gently.

"Really?" she asked. "Is that a James Ford guarantee? Because I don't think you can really guarantee something like that Jimmy. I mean do you remember how she reacted…just a few hours ago when we were dancing a little too close? What's she gonna do when she finds out we're swapping spit?"

He tried to keep a straight face but instead he let out a snort-like laugh.

"Glad you think it's funny," she answered.

"Aw, come on Freckles," he began. "After everything I've been through…after everything we've both been through, don't we deserve something good?"

She chewed on her lip and nodded slowly. He leaned forward to kiss her. When he captured her lips, she started leaning into it, but then stopped when she realized she was still holding Gracie.

"Uh oh," Gracie said. Kate chuckled and nodded.

"See?" she asked. "'Uh oh'. Maybe-goodnight James. I'll see you in the morning."

She handed him the baby and then left the room. He watched her leave, but didn't follow her. He kissed Gracie on the forehead, then put her in the crib. She started fussing at first, but she realized that he wasn't going to pick her back up. She laid down and put her thumb in her mouth.

Kate went and laid down in her bed. She wished that she had someone to share the bed with. She knew that she could have James to share the bed with in a second if she wanted to, but she knew it would be too complicated. She closed her eyes to try to get some sleep, but she didn't know if she would get any tonight.

**A/N: The next chapter will be the last. **


	9. Chapter 9

Kate felt the bed moving. At first she thought it was Jason or Izzy waking her up to make breakfast. It was very possible that she had slept in. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

"Katie," he said into her ear. He wasn't whispering. She turned over and looked at him.

"Jimmy," she whispered. "What are you doin'? The kids-"

"Their aunt came to pick them up an hour ago," he answered.

"An hour ago?" she asked. "What time is it-"

"It's 9:30, and don't worry about it," he shook his head. "We have the entire weekend. The weekend to figure everything out. I called-I called her because I wanted to figure things out with you…without the kids here to distract us or interrupt us. So…breakfast in bed?"

She hadn't seen any other part of the room. She sat up just slightly and saw that he had brought her a tray of food. She chuckled softly and sat up the rest of the way. He put the tray over her lap and she started eating.

"Thank you," she whispered. "But what about-won't you miss them?"

"They are gonna be just fine," he said. "Spending the weekend with Juliet's sister will do them good. They get to play with their cousin and have lots of fun. It'll be fine."

"Ok," she whispered. "So now what?"

"Now, we get to be silly teenagers, if only for a weekend. Find out if any of that fire that Jimmy and Katie had is still there for James and Kate," he answered. "I'm taking you to the arcade, movies, dinner-"

"Did you just say the arcade?" she asked.

"Putt-putt," he continued. "All our old hangouts. It'll be a blast."

They did what James set out to do. They went to the arcade and played some of the old school games that were still there, but some of the newer ones too. Kate beat him 3 times at Dance Dance Revolution before he gave up and let her be the champion. They went go-karting, and Kate still beat him, but then let him win out of pity. He took her to the movies where she saw him several times reach for her leg, but each time he chickened out. She wanted to kiss him, but something was still stopping her. She didn't think it was her potential feelings for Jack. Not anymore. She didn't know what it was that kept holding her back. Like the night before, why couldn't she have just stayed in James's room with him. They had been flirting most of the day. She wondered if he was going to kiss her all day, but he didn't.

At the end of the day, they decided to go to the bar. Kate wasn't sure it was the best idea, but after 3 drinks, she relaxed. They were drinking, and James kept looking at her. The bartender brought them another round of drinks. She looked at the bartender. He looked familiar, but she didn't know where she knew him from.

"Hey Katie," he said. "You don't remember me do you?"

"N-" she shook her head. "I mean, you look familiar, but-"

"Tommy!" he exclaimed. "Tommy Malone."

"Oh," she nodded. "Hey. Yeah."

She had gone to high school with Tommy. He always had a crush on her, but she had always been with James, so they never really had their chance. She never really wanted a chance with him to be honest. He was a dork in high school. She didn't ever judge him for that, but she was never really attracted to him, but now, he had gotten his braces removed and his acne cleared up. He was quite good looking. She smiled at him and let out a chuckle.

"I know, I grew up," he smirked at her. "You look good Katie."

"Thanks," she smiled. "So do you."

"Hey, are you doing anything later?" he asked.

"Do you mind?" James scoffed. "Can't you see that she's with someone?"

"James," Kate whispered, but didn't exactly think he was in the wrong.

"Sorry Katie," Tommy shrugged and left her alone the rest of the night.

Kate and James continued to drink and joke with each other. They stayed at the bar until the bartender kicked them out. The bartender took James's keys and wouldn't let either of them drive home. There was a slight fight for the keys before Kate stepped in and told James that they could walk home. That was before she realized that it was pouring down rain. They ran down the street. Kate was screaming and chuckling as she ran with James. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the sidewalk. They went into an alley to catch their breath, even though it offered no protection from the rain. He breathed out deeply and looked at her. She smiled and let out a soft giggle. She shook her head shaking the rain. He leaned forward and kissed her deeply. It was what she had been waiting for all night. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. He pushed her up against the brick building. She gasped for air.

"Get a room," they heard a voice behind them. Kate looked, but kept her arms around James' neck. She laughed again and they went back to the house.

When they got home, James walked Kate to her bedroom door. She chuckled softly and reached up to touch his face. He looked at her and then shook his head. He hesitated, and then leaned forward to kiss her. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. She ran her hands down the back of his head and neck. She grabbed at his hair and then they parted. She breathed out sharply and looked at him.

"I'll be back down in a few minutes. We can make ice cream sundaes and watch that movie I rented," he told her. He smiled weakly.

"Ok," she nodded. She went into her own room to dry off and change into pajamas. Then she went out and waited on the couch. She turned the TV on to try to find something to watch, but there was nothing on, so she picked up a book that was on the coffee table. It was a Judy Blume book. She knew that it was Izzy's, but she started reading it anyway. She was waiting for quite a while. She didn't know where he was. She was waiting for almost a half an hour before she decided to go find him.

She walked up the stairs cautiously. He was sitting on the floor in front of his bed. She sighed, and knelt in front of him.

"Jimmy?" she asked. He was looking down at his feet. She sat down next to him and ran her hand over his arm. "James. What's going on-"

"I've missed you so much," he whispered.

"I missed you too honey," she said with a smile. "But why are you sitting in here on the floor?"

"I'm a horrible person," he shook his head.

"Sweetie-" she began.

"No," he interrupted. "You don't understand. I didn't tell you before because I wanted to-I just wanted to forget about it and have a good day with my best friend. But I just-"

"I'm not following you James, slow down, what's going on?" she asked. She grabbed his hand and held it tight.

"It's her birthday," he murmured. "I didn't want to see them. Izzy knew. Jason and Gracie, not so much, but Izzy knew it was her birthday. I thought it would be better if they spent the weekend with Juliet's sister, because I couldn't face it."

"Oh, Jimmy," she whispered.

"What-what am I supposed to do, just stop living my life?" he asked. "I wanted to spend the day with you and then kissing you in the rain and then that kiss just now…it was-it was great. I just don't know what to do Katie. Help me."

"Ok," she sighed. "Come on. You're not a bad person. You're an amazing person and a great dad. Come on."

She helped him stand. She lead him over to the side of the bed. He sat down on the bed and she sat down next to him. He rested his head against her shoulder. She put her arm around him and looked at him. He wasn't looking up at her. Instead he sat there and let her hold him. She got up and shook her head.

"This was a bad idea," she said softly.

"Wait," he replied. He took her hand and pulled her back toward him. "Don't leave. Please. I just-I don't want to be alone."

She sighed and looked at him.

"Goodnight James," she whispered. She kissed his cheek and then left the room. She went down the stairs quickly. She went into the bedroom, shut the door, and stood against it. She tried to suppress a sob. She got into her own bed and got under the covers. She really thought the night would have ended differently. If she hadn't found him nearly in tears. She was only laying in bed for a few minutes when she heard her door creak. She gasped softly and looked toward the door. There was nothing to be scared of, since it was only James, but she didn't know how to react. He came toward her and laid down in the bed with her.

"I told you," he whispered. "I just really don't want to be alone right now. If you really want me to leave, I will, but-"

She noticed that he was crying. She felt incredibly guilty. She wrapped her arms around him and held him. He shook his head, but let her hold him. She looked at him and sighed softly.

"Can I do anything?" she asked.

"No," he answered softly. They fell asleep.

When she woke up Sawyer was gone from the bed. It didn't entirely surprise her. She went into the kitchen and started making breakfast. She looked at the pan as she cooked the food. Then she heard footsteps on the stairs. She looked behind her and saw him.

"Hey," she said with a small smile.

"Sorry about last night," he murmured. "I'm a mess."

"It's ok," she answered softly. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," he shook his head. "I had a really good time yesterday. I didn't even think about Juliet at all. Which…it's good I guess, but it's-"

"Not," she whispered. "You feel guilty."

"Should I?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "No. We didn't do anything wrong. I mean...we kissed, but we're both adults, and...we stopped it before..."

"But I wanted to," he replied.

"I wanted to too," she answered. He closed his eyes.

"The bacon's burning," he noted. She turned back to the stove and started to put the food on plates. He took the plates over to the table. They sat down across from each other, but neither of them spoke. They ate silently with only the sound of crunching bacon and clinking silver wear.

After breakfast Kate did the dishes. James stayed in the kitchen and watched her, but neither of them said anything. He got up and grabbed her arm. He turned her around and looked at her.

"This is stupid," he whispered. "Why is this so hard? We both want this, so then why don't we just give in?"

"Because," she told him with a shrug. "You don't want to betray your wife. And your kids mean everything to you and you don't want to see them upset either."

"Yeah," he murmured. "So…what do you say to going out all day again?"

"Sure," she nodded. "Just have to get ready."

She changed into some clothes and walked back into the living area. He stepped toward her and shook his head.

"Ok," he sighed. "Can we just pretend like everything last night…like it didn't happen?"

"Yeah," she answered. Although part of her was sad and the other angry that he wished it hadn't happened. She understood why, but at the same time, she herself didn't regret kissing him for even a second.

Acting as if nothing happened the night before was easier than Kate thought. They spent the day together again. This time they just walked around downtown. They shopped. Kate got a few new pieces of clothes. On the way home from dinner Sawyer stopped to get some alcohol and ice cream. Kate thought it was pretty hilarious that he was getting that combination of stuff. She knew the cashier would feel the same. When he got back to the car he was laughing. He handed Kate the bag of stuff.

"She thought I was nuts, buying liquor and ice cream," he said. "I think she wanted to come party with us."

"Mojitos and chocolate ice cream," she answered. "Nothin' could be better."

"Agreed," he smiled.

They got back to the house and James started making the mojitos. Kate started scooping the ice cream into bowls. They started eating and drinking. When Kate got down to her last bite of ice cream she held it up, acting like she was going to flick it in his direction.

"You wouldn't dare," he said. Before he could say anything else, she flipped the spoon toward him and the ice cream hit him in the face. He opened his mouth in awe. "You asked for it!"

She screamed as he picked up the spray can of whipped cream. He sprayed it at her and she ran from him. He tackled her to the ground and started spraying her with the whipped cream. She sputtered, but was laughing. She wiped the whipped cream off her face and acted as if she was going to lick it off, but instead she smashed her hand into his face. She quickly stood up and got the chocolate syrup off the counter. James was still armed with the whipped cream. They both were standing in attack mode, but neither of them moved for a minute. Suddenly both at once they went for each other. Kate squirted the chocolate syrup on his head. They squirted each other till the syrup and the whipped cream were both empty. And they were both laughing so hard they couldn't breathe. They were both on the ground. Their clothes and bodies were covered. James leaned forward and put his lips against her neck. She gasped softly, and he backed away licking his lips. She realized that he was getting some chocolate off of her neck and that was all.

"Freckles," he whispered. "You are so gorgeous."

"Stop," she shook her head and put her fingers against his mouth to stop him from saying anything else. He licked her fingers, getting some more of the chocolate and whipped cream off of them. She looked at him in awe as he licked her fingers clean. Then she leaned forward and replaced her fingers with her lips. He pulled her toward him and wrapped his arms around her. She backed away and stood up.

"We can't," she said. "I need to go take a shower. Clean up. I'll come help you with the kitchen when I'm done."

He nodded, but he didn't look entirely convinced or satisfied. Kate went into her own bathroom and pulled off her clothes. She got into the shower. The water was hot. Almost too hot, but it felt good. She reached down without opening her eyes for the bottle of shampoo. She groped blindly, but then her hand touched another hand instead of her shampoo.

"Let me," James whispered into her ear. She hardly had time to protest before his hands were in her hair. He moved his fingers in small circular motion. She let a soft moan escape her lips. She had to admit it definitely felt good to have him washing her hair. When he was done washing and rinsing her hair he went to her body. Moving slowly, he ran his hands down her arms and down her waist. He was careful not to touch any of her parts that may make her reconsider all of it, but there was no going back now. She turned around and started mirroring his motions. Running her hands down his arms and back, but staying away from anywhere below his waist. She took the soap from him somewhat playfully. They washed the messiness off of their bodies. They still didn't kiss. Until Kate. After washing his chest Kate kissed his pecs gently. She nipped at him gently. He told her he liked without actually saying any words. She ran her hands up his chest as she moved her mouth down. He pulled her back up and ran his hand down her body. He touched her almost frantically, trying to reach every inch of her skin. She let out soft gasps of air. He kissed her lips and pulled her toward him. They were standing as close as they could to each other.

He reached behind him and turned off the water. He stepped out first and then held out his hands for her to take. He wrapped her towel around her shoulders. It was soft and fluffy. She pulled the towel closer and smelled the fabric softener. He ran his hands down her shoulders. Trying to dry her off but at the same time warming her up.

"Come on," she whispered. She took his hand and started leading him out of the bathroom, which was steamy from the hot water. He scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. She circled her arms around his neck. She was pressed against his chest and she put her head against the crook of his neck. He put her down on the bed, more gently than she expected. He blew soft cool air on her neck and down her body. She shook with anticipation. He ran his mouth and tongue down her stomach. She was still wet from the shower, but they both smelled clean. She had forgotten how talented he was with his tongue. How could she have forgotten what this felt like? Then he was on top of her. He was holding her down forcefully, but it excited her.

"You scared?" he asked.

"Why would I be scared?" she said softly. He kissed her lips and lowered down painfully slowly. She closed her eyes.

"Look at me," he said. She opened her eyes and he continued to move. He kissed her again and then looked down at her. "Freckles."

It was such a small thing for him to say, but she knew in that moment she was his. He pulled back out of her and moved down her body. He kissed her chest, stopping at her breasts to pay attention to them. He had her so close to the brink. He started using his fingers again as he moved down her body with his mouth. She shook her head, waiting for him to move lower, but he teasingly went back up to her mouth to kiss her. Then suddenly he went back down. He pulled his fingers away and replaced it with his mouth, but it was so quick she barely noticed the transition, but then his mouth was there. She closed her eyes and he stopped.

"Look at me," he repeated. She quickly looked down at him and he continued. She let out a loud guttural moan. He stopped and smirked at her. Then he kissed her mouth. She could taste what he had just tasted. She was still shaking slightly, when suddenly he entered her again. She wrapped her legs around him to get him closer. He smiled down at her and continued to kiss her. Then he pressed his face into her neck as he came. She ran her hands down his back, leaving small scratches from her nails. He held his face against her neck for a couple minutes while he caught his breath. Then he raised up and looked down at her.

"God, you're gorgeous," he said. She reached up and stroked his hair. There was a particular stubborn piece that wasn't long enough to tuck behind his ear, but Kate continued to try. He didn't say anything else or move. She finally opened her mouth to speak.

"If I had remembered how great you were," she smirked. "Well-"

He chuckled before she finished her sentence. Then he flipped them over all the way so that she was on top of him.

"Well, if I had remembered how hot you were without your clothes, I would have tried this much sooner," he told her. She smiled at him weakly. Their sweat was cooling off and starting to make her skin clammy. She shivered and he noticed that goose pimples covered her arms.

"Aww, you cold?" he asked. He pulled her down on top of him and then pulled the covers over both of them. He settled into the mattress moving back and forth, with her still on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"You're gorgeous," he whispered. She looked at him and ran her hand over his cheek and down his hair.

"You are too," she said. "You're so…I've always been attracted to you. Ever since-I mean you were my first crush and my first boyfriend and my first lover. I just-"

"What do you like most?" he asked softly.

"The way you make me feel," she answered, running her hands down his arms. "You've always been there for me. And now…even though I left you 15 years ago…you still love me. You still want me."

"Well," he chuckled. "Not entirely what I meant, but thanks."

"Then what did you mean?" she asked.

"I meant this," he said. He ran his hand down her naked body. Down her chest and stomach. She watched him. His hands were exploring her body as if he was touching her for the first time. "For me, it's everything. Your body is beautiful. I know it probably sounds lame."

"Keep going," she smiled.

"Your lips are my favorite," he replied. He kissed her lips gently and looked at her. "I love kissing you. Your lips are so soft."

He touched her lips with his fingers. She smiled at him and leaned forward. She put her head against his chest.

"I like your arms," she whispered into him. "When you hold me…I feel so safe. Then of course, there's your chest."

She leaned down and kissed his chest gently. She kissed down his chest and then came back up his body to his mouth. He smiled at her and ran his hand down her hair.

"Is that all?" he asked.

"Hmm, yeah, I think so," she nodded. "Well…and then of course there's your cute butt. I love the way it looks in a pair of jeans, and even better out of them."

"Really?" he smirked and turned red from only slight embarrassment. "Well, what about-"

"Well," she said, getting slightly embarrassed herself, and not wanting him to finish his sentence. "Of course, that's nice too."

"Nice?" he asked. "Just nice?"

She knew it was the wrong word as soon as she said it.

"Ok, it's spectacular," she answered with a large smile. "Biggest and best I've ever seen."

"I knew it," he told her. She laughed softly. She was still sitting on top of him. She laid back down on top of him and cuddled against him. He ran his hands up and down her back.

Later that night when they were both sleeping, Kate felt him get up. He left the bed. She gasped softly, thinking he was going to leave the room, but instead she heard him go into the bathroom. She relaxed and kept her eyes closed. She tried to go back to sleep, but he was gone for a while. She got up and knocked on the bathroom door. She heard him clear his throat.

"Do you regret it?" she whispered, dreading the answer she might get.

"No," he answered softly. "Not at all Freckles. But do you know what that means? It means she's really gone. It means she ain't ever comin' back and now I have to find a way to move on with you. The kids are gonna hate me."

"Not if we break it to them gently," she responded. "And even if they do get mad. They'll get over it. I promise you. I mean, it's been 6 months. Which I know isn't very long. But I've been living here. We've seen each other every single day for the last 6 months. A connection is gonna happen Jimmy. You don't have to feel bad about it."

"Let's go back to bed," he sighed. "Sorry I woke you up."

She shook her head. She stood up and they walked back to the bedroom together.

"Tell me you love me," he whispered.

"You know I do," she replied stroking his hair gently. "I love you so much James."

"I love you too," he said. He looked at her and kissed her deeply. He rolled on top of her and she gasped softly. He looked down at her and continued to kiss her softly and gently. She looked up at him and ran her hand across his cheek.

"I'm tired," she whispered.

"Me too," he said softly. He rolled off of her, but held her close.

The next morning Kate woke up to an empty bed. She sat up and looked around, trying to see if James was still in the room somewhere. She felt his side of the bed and it was cold. She wasn't sure how long he had been gone from the bed. She got out of the bed and went into the kitchen, trying to find a sign of him. He wasn't in the kitchen either. She sighed deeply and went up the stairs. She stopped in all the kids rooms first. She finally went to James' room. He was laying in the bed and looked as comfortable as could be. She hesitated before going in. She walked toward him, but then turned back around and started leaving.

"Come here," he said. His voice was rough.

"I'm gonna go make breakfast," she answered, with a lump rising in her throat.

"No," he argued and sat up. He was only wearing boxers. "Come here."

"I don't-" she began.

"Come here, please?" he asked a final time. She walked toward the bed somewhat cautiously. She sat on the side of the bed but didn't want to move much more toward him. "What's the mater?"

"Hmm," she nodded. "I wonder what could be the matter."

"Hey," he whispered. "I told you last night that I love you. Why are you-"

"Because I woke up with you gone!" she exclaimed. "My bed was cold. How long have you been up here James? And why would you just leave the bed without telling me? You say you love me, but then why did you-"

"Because I was scared," he murmured. "Freckles…I woke up and saw you laying next to me. You were-you were laying next to me and I didn't want to leave the bed, but I just-I started to think. I couldn't think with you next to me. This is coming out wrong."

"I think I get it," she whispered. "I just-if we're gonna do this James. It has to be everything. I mean…all or nothing. Because I can't keep doing this back and forth thing. I'm not strong enough."

"No," he shook his head. "Not back and forth. Just us."

"And your kids," she replied.

"Well yeah," he nodded. "Them too."

He reached toward her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She leaned forward and put her forehead against his.

"I didn't like waking up alone," she whispered.

"I know," he sighed. "I didn't like waking up alone either."

He touched her face again and kissed her lips.

"What are we gonna tell them?" she asked softly.

"Dunno," he shrugged. "I guess we'll have to figure that out. But you know that it's gonna have to be me. I'm going to have to be the one to tell them."

"Yeah," she nodded. "You tell them."

"But we have the rest of the day before we have to think about that," he answered. He stood up and pulled her standing up. Kate chuckled and followed him downstairs.

They waited all day at the house for the kids. Neither of them felt the need to leave. Instead they spent the day cuddling and kissing and trying to figure out just exactly what they were going to tell they kids. Especially Izzy. Kate knew that Gracie probably wouldn't care, and Jason wouldn't exactly know what was going on, but Izzy…she would know if she and James were sleeping in the same room.

"Maybe we should just keep it a secret for a while," Kate said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean," she sighed. "We can stay away from each other when the kids are around. Then after the kids go to bed at night we'll sleep in the same room. Then sneak out in the morning.

"Well," he nodded. "It's good in theory, but what if one of the kids has a nightmare while we're sleeping in the same room. What if one of them needs us. And-what if they find out. It's better if we just tell them. Believe me. If 10 years of marriage taught me anything it's that you shouldn't lie."

"Ok, we won't lie," she whispered. "What will we say instead then?"

"I'll talk to Izzy," he replied. "Don't you worry."

That night Juliet's sister brought the kids home. She knew something was up before James even said anything. But he wasn't going to say anything to Rachel anyway. He thanked her for taking care of the kids.

Kate started making dinner for everyone, while James took the kids upstairs to unpack and to tell them about him and Kate.

James was sitting on Izzy's bed as she sorted her suitcase on the floor. She took a lot of stuff for only a 3 day weekend.

"Iz, can I talk to you?" he asked.

"Uh huh," she nodded, and continued what she was doing.

"Come here baby," he whispered. She stood up and walked toward the bed. He pulled her onto his lap and looked at her. "You know how much I love you, right?"

"Yeah," she answered.

"Well, you also know that I really like Kate, right?" he asked. She nodded, but didn't say anything. He knew it wasn't going to be easy telling her this. "Sweetheart, I love Kate."

"No," she frowned. "Daddy, I don't want a new mommy!"

"Honey," he shook his head. "Kate will never replace your mommy. I promise you. We will always remember your mommy."

"Then how come you didn't remember her this weekend!" she exclaimed. "Aunt Rachel took us to see mommy because it was her birthday."

"I know," he sighed. "That was a mistake Isabelle. Sweetie…I know I should have been there. I'll take you guys tomorrow."

"No, we already went!" she yelled. "And now you're going to marry Kate and forget all about all of us!"

"That is _not_ true," he told her adamantly. "Of course I won't forget you. And I won't forget mommy either. But Kate…Kate makes it so that I'm not so sad. You want me to be happy right."

"No," she frowned. "Not without mommy."

"Well, I want you to be happy," he replied. "I want you to smile and have fun and be very happy and I know that mommy would want you to be happy too."

"What about you?" she asked. "I don't think mommy would like it if you were married to Kate."

"Me and mommy," he began. "We had a long talk about that one night. We talked about all sorts of nasty stuff. Like what we would do if anything ever happened to one of us or both of us. We decided that if something happened to both of us we would send you to live with Auntie Rachel, but the other thing…we decided that we would want each other to be happy. I know mommy would want me to be happy. Izzy…I loved your mother so much. She was everything to me, but I can't stop loving other people. But one things for sure…I would never be with someone who didn't love all of us very very much. And Kate does. Kate loves you Izzy."

"I know," she sighed.

"But if you really really don't want me to be with Kate, I won't," he said.

"Really?" she exclaimed.

"Of course," he stated. "It's like I said…all I want is for you to be happy."

"I don't want you to be with Kate," she answered.

"Ok," he nodded. "Come on downstairs when you're ready. Kate's making dinner."

She nodded back. He walked down the stairs. Kate turned to face him. She smiled at him.

"Well, I didn't hear too much yelling," she said.

"She doesn't like it," he stated. "And she doesn't want us to be together."

"She doesn't?" she asked.

"And I told her I just wanted her to be happy so…" he started.

"I guess this is on hold then," she answered. "It was kinda fun while it lasted."

"Kinda?" he asked.

"It was the best weekend I've had in a very long time James," she whispered.

"Me too," he sighed. "But I don't want to make Izzy upset."

At that moment Izzy came into the kitchen. She looked at Kate and James and then frowned.

"Promise to never forget about mommy," Izzy said.

"We won't ever forget her," James whispered. "I promise to infinity."

"I don't want you to be sad daddy," she stated.

"Does that mean you're ok with me and Kate?" he asked. She nodded somewhat reluctantly.

"But no kissing," Izzy said. Kate smiled and looked at James. She closed her mouth and pressed her lips together. She mouthed the words 'I love you'. He nodded and walked toward her. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

**The End**

**A/N: Hope you liked. **


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